January 26, 2009

Create a Cabinet Position on Violence Against Women


I have spread this to our groups, and posting it to all our blogs, only to find out that the voting is closed.  The first go around of voting only brought in 122 votes???  WHAT"S WRONG WITH PEOPLE????

So, to me, that either shows that not enough people care about justice and have closed eyes and ears, OR, the word didn't get out the first time.  Soooo, what now dear Sisters and Society?  Do we let something like this drop without a fight, or do we fight for someone to hear that things need to change?  If not in this sense, in sooo many others.  I'm hoping that Change.org re-opens it's voting, and have sent an email to them requesting that they do so.  A change doesn't happen unless we step forward and help create it, help me help create this change...

Please email Change.org at oneinthr@box205.bluehost.com , and let them know that you want this vote re-opened and that you will support them in getting the word out to help make the change that is necessary!  Speak out and take that step forward in fighting for what is needed!


We have a new President, a new start, and Hope that he has promised us in the coming term, below is one step towards seeing hope for those that are affected by Domestic Violence and all it entails.  Just a couple clicks, let's see what we can do!


Dear Friends and Colleagues:

We need your help.

One in Three Women™ has submitted an "idea" on Change.org and we need your vote.
"President-Elect Obama says he wants to hear ideas from everyone, so we're taking him up on his offer by submitting our idea: Create a Cabinet Position on Violence Against Women. The "Top 10 Ideas for America" will be presented to the Obama Administration on Inauguration Day. Change.org will then build a national campaign to advance each idea in Congress. A huge step forward for all of us and we don't have to finance it ourselves. Click here to begin your voting process. It takes two minutes to do.

Then click on the blue Vote graphic in the top left of the page. DO NOTclick on the widget in the right hand column. Clicking on that widget will not do anything, it is an example of what you can place on a webpage. You will see a pop-up window that asks for your name, email address and to create a password. Easy. You will see a message at the top of the new page informing you that your vote is not counted until you receive a confirmation link and once you have clicked on the link your vote is recorded.
We are all part of a constituency of thousands of people working to end violence against women (VAW) and we can make this happen. If each of us does our part by voting for our idea and ask others to vote we can easily  make this idea a reality.

We hear that a high level position may be created in the White house on VAW and that is great news but we still feel that a cabinet level position on VAW is long over due. 

In the Spirit of Friendship and Peace,
Cheyla and Evelyn

One in Three Women™ Campaign

Create a Cabinet Position on Violence Against Women

We have a new President, a new start, and Hope that he has promised us in the coming term, below is one step towards seeing hope for those that are affected by Domestic Violence and all it entails.  Just a couple clicks, let's see what we can do!


Dear Friends and Colleagues:

We need your help.

One in Three Women™ has submitted an "idea" on Change.org and we need your vote.
"President-Elect Obama says he wants to hear ideas from everyone, so we're taking him up on his offer by submitting our idea: Create a Cabinet Position on Violence Against Women. The "Top 10 Ideas for America" will be presented to the Obama Administration on Inauguration Day. Change.org will then build a national campaign to advance each idea in Congress. A huge step forward for all of us and we don't have to finance it ourselves. Click here to begin your voting process. It takes two minutes to do.

Then click on the blue Vote graphic in the top left of the page. DO NOTclick on the widget in the right hand column. Clicking on that widget will not do anything, it is an example of what you can place on a webpage. You will see a pop-up window that asks for your name, email address and to create a password. Easy. You will see a message at the top of the new page informing you that your vote is not counted until you receive a confirmation link and once you have clicked on the link your vote is recorded.
We are all part of a constituency of thousands of people working to end violence against women (VAW) and we can make this happen. If each of us does our part by voting for our idea and ask others to vote we can easily  make this idea a reality.

We hear that a high level position may be created in the White house on VAW and that is great news but we still feel that a cabinet level position on VAW is long over due. 

In the Spirit of Friendship and Peace,
Cheyla and Evelyn

One in Three Women™ Campaign

January 23, 2009

Amber Alert issued for missing 2-year-old

Fayetteville, N.C. — A North Carolina Amber Alert was issued late Friday for Dillon Jordan Cromartie, 2, of Fayetteville.

Dillon is described as Hispanic with light skin, 2 feet tall and about 40 pounds. He has brown hair and brown eyes. He was last seen wearing a long sleeve blue and white shirt, brown pants, white shoes and a brown jacket. No photo was available of the child.

The child’s uncle, Lee David Currie, is considered a suspect in the abduction, authorities said. Currie, 60, is described as black, 5-foot-10 and 220 pounds. He has black and gray hair, brown eyes and a scar on his left cheek. He has last seen wearing a yellow shirt and blue jeans.

Authorities said the abduction occurred at 8243 Umstead Drive in Fayetteville on Thursday. Currie is reportedly driving a white 1993 BMW 740i with North Carolina tag number PZW8080.

Currie was last seen driving the vehicle on or near Eastern Boulevard, Fayetteville Police said.

If you have any information regarding this abduction, call the Fayetteville PD immediately at (910) 433-1830, Detective Edmonds 910-433-1830 or call 911 or *HP.

Original Article

January 22, 2009

Shelter needs daycare, exam area

Below I have shared a plea for help from the Safe Harbor Domestic Violence Shelter for an exam area and daycare that is desperately needed.  Even in this time of financial hardship for everyone, there's so many that need more and are having it harder then we are, and this is one of those cases.

At this time, victims must be transferred up to 30 minutes to be able to be examined, something to some may seem not much, but to a victim, it's an eternity where they can sit and contemplate what they are going through and be in fear.  Having an onsite exam area is crucial for many reasons, and I hope that the word gets out and that the community can help this shelter in their needs.  For, you never know when you or someone you love may be in need of it...

As for the daycare, I can attest to the fact that that is a needed thing to have in a shelter.  When women get out with children, and the daycare's in the area are full and have a waiting list, not to mention if you don't have a vehicle to drive across town to a daycare that does have room, it's something that can truly make a victim go back to her abuser.  To know that your children are taken care of in a safe environment, somewhere where the abuser can't get to them, is truly a peace of mind that victims need.  Not to mention that if a victim can't find daycare in a timely fashion, and can't work because of no childcare, they are only given a specific amount of time to get a job once in a shelter, and talk about stress!

When I was in a shelter with my 2 1/2 year old son, I couldn't find a daycare that had any openings, and had to work.  So, asked one of the residents if she could watch my son since she had 2 children of her own that she had to watch, and she didn't work at the time.  This didn't go too bad for a time, but then she left the shelter to move in with her boyfriend.  Not her abuser, but a new one.  Anyway, things went from bad to worse...It ended up that the ones that she stayed with were drug dealers (not bad people per se, but not the life style I wanted to be around, and not somewhere I wanted my son), and no-one was working to bring any money in.  They lived on her food stamps, and I would bring home at night the left over food from McDonald's that I was working at at the time, and wake everyone up so that they could have dinner.  I would give her $100 a week to watch my son, what other choice did I have?  One night, after coming home from a different job late at night, I found out that they had had a gun fight at the house with the kids inside.  Came back to find the owner of the home with a gun sitting across his lap, and shortly was able to move out of that area closer to my parents so that I could have familial support.

Yes, most don't have to go through something like I did, but there's many stories out there of Moms that have gone back because of lack adequate childcare (not an option for me), or their children have been put at risk.  This is something that must be addressed, and this shelter needs that help! 

Even if it's $5-$25 that you can give, please give to this cause!  Every little bit helps!

FARMINGTON - UT— A daycare and rape exam area are among pressing needs for Safe Harbor Domestic Violence Shelter, its director says.

She said Dixon & Associates architects has already prepared plans for a building that could be constructed adjacent to existing facilities. Cost is estimated at $220,000 for the building and $170,000 for an exam room.

“Your citizens are going out of the county for Code R exams,” Card said. Other than the county jail, there is no place where adults can be tested within the county, she said.

The new building has been a desire of the nonprofit shelter’s board of trustees for several years. Plans for the new facility were first revealed in the Clipper a couple of years ago.

The shelter, in place for nearly 12 years, has seen a huge increase in usage over the past year. Card has said previously that while there were slow times during certain parts of the year, that is no longer the case.

It has been necessary, at times, to find space for victims in other locations, until slots opened at the facility, she said.

Original Article

January 20, 2009

Teen Dating Violence and Awareness Week: What are your plans? - Canada

In reading this article, many things hit me at once, and with this article being so long and full of important information, I'm going to ask you to please take a few minutes out of your day and read it.  It's that important.....Why you ask?'

Simple, this is NOT something that is only happening in Canada.  This is NOT something that is only happening in the US, but all around the world.  Teen Dating Violence is NOT being taken as seriously as it truly needs to be, for it's a pre-cursor to Domestic Violence.  If we can only get them while they are young!

In this article, it shares that there's ONLY 2 states in the ENTIRE US that have taken the steps to increase risk prevention in teens by going to legal lengths.

Two states in the entire United States of America, Texas and Rhode Island, have taken the steps to increase risk prevention in this vulnerable group of teenagers by going to legal lengths such as implementing policies that address Teen Dating Violence, even requiring that it be taught at certain grade levels. New York is beginning to realize the serious problem for teenagers and has finally expanded its laws to allow teens in abusive relationships to obtain restraining orders in family courts instead of from the long and drawn out criminal justice system.

HELLO OUT THERE!!!  Is anyone seeing a problem with this????

Too many teens are suffering, too many are dying because they don't have the help and support needed.  Too many are then getting into Domestic Violence relationships because they don't have the support or the Empowerment to know that they can have better!  Too many signs are not being seen, and too many parents are out there trying to protect their children without the help from a system that continues to be blind to their needs. 

Again, read through this article, I know that it's for a week of awareness for the teens there, but there's a lot of good information in there that I feel can be used anywhere. 

What steps will you take where you live to help protect the teens that are at risk in your area?  What will it take for you to open up your blind eyes and to take part in being part of the solution?

Original Article

January 19, 2009

VIOLENCE: Mother of teen victim starts 'Kari's Candle of Hope'

"There were little signs, small clues that something wasn’t right." stated April Amandon of the Lockport Union-Sun & Journal. 
Kari Gorman 18 was killed by her boyfriend Shawn Wolf 19 on July 26,2008 at Shawn's home on Balmer Road. After an argument, he reportedly shot and killed her, then drove to a cemetery in Youngstown and took his own life.
"it was only when the relationship ended in tragedy that all the warning signs came together." stated Kari's family.
For those of us who have survived domestic violence we recognize the symptoms. The alienation from friends and family, the constant checking in making sure of the person's every move, the threats of suicide if you want to end the relationship with them; things like this we are told are red flags of domestic violence. So why then in the year 2009 with all the supposed information regarding this topic freely available, are we loosing so many women to Domestic Violence. Only after the tragedy occurs do people wonder what could have been done differently for the outcome to have been altered. It confuses me why society constantly wonders at the murder of these women, when domestic violence has been a serious problem in every country since as far back as we can trace our roots. Yet society wants to do nothing to change this serious problem; in fact they turn the other way when confronted with family, friends or just aquaintences who are going through abuse. So how then do we combat this ever growing issue that no one wants to face and address?

How do you kill a cancer when it threatens to spread to the roots of the trees, you kill the cancer before it even gets started. So how do you stop domestic violence BEFORE it gets started, education and awareness. We must educate our youngest children and the oldest of adults. We must not be afraid to talk about it and discuss it openly, and we must not shun those who have gone through its effects. For those women who are going through it and who have survived its life long horrendous effects, talking about it is one way to break the cycle. 
The sudden violence was a shock to Kari’s family and friends, who never expected the teen’s life to end so abruptly.

“Your mind only lets so much in at a time, and then I think it goes backwards sometimes, too,” she said. “There’s still times I look at her picture, and I’m just waiting for her to come in (the door).”

This feeling has been felt by more families both in the United States as well as countries around the world, then should ever be felt. Domestic Violence is a cancer that is spreading throughout the United States and countries abroad, it is time we kill that cancer and save future victims and families from such a horrible tragedy as this. Kari' Candle of Hope is one of the ways this is being done.

Kari’s Candle of Hope, was began by Kari's family out of the tragedy and loss of her life. Out of tragedy came an organization in the grass roots stages;hoping to become a non-profit group that educates young people on dating violence. This is one of the biggest areas of education we need to target is our young people, our hope is that this organization goes far and becomes great! We also hope that they get as many young people to listen as they can, this will cut down on the amount of teens and young adults killed due to dating and domestic violence!!

Unprecedented US survey tracks scope of stalking

When I saw this article, I knew that I had to share it and put it up.  Unfortunately, we know too many women that are being stalked right now, fearing for their lives and that of their children.  Not from strangers, not from love sick sicko's, but ex-boyfriends and ex-husbands that they once loved and lived with, and for many, had children with.

When talking to a victim of stalking, the first thing that you hear is their fear.  They are terrified of their stalker, they don't know what the stalker will do next, and not sure what they are capable of.  The fact that stalkers mainly come and go, leaving just enough evidence behind to let the victim know that they were there, makes it hard for victims to get the help that they need.  Other times, they will do it blatantly in day light, but because the victim has no proof that the stalker was on their property or down the road watching, they still don't get the help that they need.  Many courts have told the victims that until they are hurt, or they have proof, nothing can be done.

The second thing you hear from a victim is anger.  Anger at the courts and the system that is supposed to be set up to protect them.  Anger that call after call is ignored, that time after time they are told that nothing can be done, meanwhile the stalkers get more bold because they are continuing to get away with their actions.  As we've been told many times, a piece of paper does NOT protect you, doesn't stop a bullet.

The next segment I know was later on in the article, but wanted to bring this up first.

"While individually these acts may not be criminal, collectively and repetitively these behaviors may cause a victim to fear for his or her safety or the safety of a family member," the report said.

Why am I highlighting this statement?  Because of the simple fact that too many victims don't understand that the first time they call the police on a violation the stalker doesn't get put away in jail.  You may as well say that he can continually pass go, collect the $200, and have quite a few "Get Out of Jail Free" cards in his back pocket.  Not only must there be repetitive acts, but also repetitive acts that are documented as well.  This is many times hard for victims to acquire, but something that victims need to do.

By the tens of thousands, victims of stalking lose their jobs, flee their homes and fear for their safety, according to a new federal survey providing the most comprehensive data ever on a crime affecting an estimated 3.4 million Americans a year.

About 11 percent of the victims said they had been stalked for five or more years, and one in seven said the stalking compelled them to move out of their home, according to the report by the Justice Department's Bureau of Justice Statistics.  It covered a 12-month period in 2005-06.

The Bureau of Justice Statistics defined stalking as a course of conduct, directed at a specific person on at least two separate occasions, that would cause a reasonable person to feel fear.  The most commonly reported types of stalking were unwanted phone calls (66 percent), unsolicited letters or e-mail (31 percent), or having rumors spread about the victim (36 percent).

More than one-third of the victims reported being followed or spied upon; some said they were tracked by electronic monitoring, listening devices or video cameras.  About 21 percent said they had been attacked by their stalker - with the forms of assault ranging from a slap to rape.

Nearly 75 percent of victims knew their stalker in some capacity - most commonly a former spouse or ex-boyfriend/girlfriend, sometimes a relative or co-worker.

People who were divorced or separated were more vulnerable to stalking than other marital categories, and those aged 18-24 were more likely to be stalked than older people.

There's a lot of good information in this article, and I wanted to show as much as I can that victims of DV need to  know.  Too many victims, after they leave, experience stalking from their abuser.  To read that most commonly it's an former spouse or ex-boyfriend/girlfriend is not surprising in the least. 

Victims reported suffering a range of emotions because of the stalking.  Their most common fears included not knowing what would happen next (46 percent) and fearing the stalking would continue indefinitely (29 percent).  Nine percent of the victims said their worst fear was death.

I know that for victims/survivors of DV, they DO fear their stalkers for a good reason.  Many of them have been told that "If I can't have you, no-one will", or that "I know where you live, you wont get away", or the like.  Their abuser does not let their victim go without a fight, and play mind games so well that they don't even have to be physically near to put fear in their victim, many victims seeing things that they swear their stalker/abuser has done when he hasn't been around.  That fear stays with them and affects their every day life and health.  It affects their work performance, their parenting, everything.  It isn't just the fear when the abuser/stalker is near, that is a sharp white fear, but a continuing fear that creeps into every fabric of their life.  Many victims develop high anxiety due to the stalking/abuse, which continues to plague them even after the stalking ends.

"When you consider the impact that stalking has on a victim's life, five weeks is forever - five years is incredible," she said.  "They often have to give up their current life, leave their jobs, their homes, establish a whole new identity."

I got stuck on this one.  Five years is not incredible for a victim/survivor of DV if you think of the fact that many that leave their abusive situation with children have no option but for their abuser to know where they live.  When there is visitation, when the abuser still has parental rights, it gives the abuser/stalker more information then the victim would want them to have, but by court order, must give.  Then it's hard to show that the abuser is stalking, because sometimes the most innocent words, phrases, or actions the abuser uses to continue to put fear in their victims lives.  Things that the courts wouldn't understand, and many times miss.  Many have to deal with this for 5-10 years, until their children reach of age, and sometimes even after that.  Many wish they could just disappear, change their names, assume a whole new identity, but can't because of mutual children being involved.

Leary credited law enforcement authorities with taking stalking seriously, but she said more needs to be done to strengthen anti-stalking laws and expand the resources to combat it.

Too many victims have called law enforcement to no avail, too many haven't been given the tools necessary to help catch their stalker.  Too many have been treated as if the calls or a nuisance, and that they are at fault.  Yes, many law enforcement authorities do treat stalking seriously, yet there are still many that re-victimize the victim when they treat their stalking incidences as if it's something that they don't believe in and would rather not do.  Some victims are actually treated with contempt when calling in a stalking incidence, which of course makes it so that the victim calls less on the incidences, and puts her life in more danger.

"One step recommended by Dyer was modification of state laws so stalking victims could more easily obtain protective orders against their stalkers.

The federal government and all 50 states have enacted laws making stalking a crime, but the laws and definitions of stalking vary widely.

This is something that I know victims of stalking have been asking for for years, to make it not only easier to obtain the protection order, but also the enforcement of the protection order one given.  Too many times they aren't enforced properly, which gives the abuser/stalker the feeling of added control and power.  This can be very dangerous in an abuser/stalker, and more needs to be done for the victims.

There is no easy answer in stopping the stalking, but there are many things that not only the government and law enforcement can do, but also the victims of stalking as well.  Empowerment is through the knowledge that they need to increase their chances of staying alive and well, and the knowledge that they will be protected.  I hope that after this is released, that more is done for victims of stalking, because they truly do need the protection and peace of mind that better laws and enforcement of those laws can give.

On the Net:
Original Article

January 14, 2009

Gov. Blunt Commutes Sentences on Stacey Ann Lannert & Charity Sue Carey

Original Article that got me going on this rant...

It’s wonderful to see that someone is going to bat for these ladies! Yes, what they did they shouldn’t have done, but, if they felt it was their only option to get out of the abuse and to get it to stop, if they couldn’t find the help that they needed, I’m sorry, they did what they had to do to survive!

The thing is, that they shouldn’t have had to resort to this level!!  The help should have been there, they should have had other options out of the abuse.  No finger pointing, just fact.  IF the help was available and accessible to them, things may have been different, but it is what it is...

Gov. Matt Blunt commuted the sentences of Stacey Lannert and Charity Carey Saturday. The two women were victims of rape and abuse before committing crimes against the men who victimized them.

Stacey Ann Lannert murdered her father in 1990, at the age of 18, after being sexually abused for about nine years. She was then convicted of Murder in the First Degree and Armed Criminal Action and sentenced to life without parole.

I found a site for Stacey Ann Lannert, to reach out to get others to help get her justice.  From the information on the site, she got out of the molestation from her father, that turned into rape and sodomy, to move back in with her Mother that had divorced her father years before.  Because she was worried about her younger sister getting the same treatment, she went back to protect her.  After an abusive incident, she killed her Father because she knew of no other alternative.

In my mind, this would not constitute life in prison without a chance of parole.  No, she shouldn't have killed him, yes, she could have reached out, but if she did this right after an abusive incident, wouldn't that constitute a crime of passion?  Ok, you can tell I am NOT an attorney, but it just boggles my mind that a young woman that was being sexually molested, raped, and sodomized for years would go to jail after killing the monster that was doing it to her, and possibly her sister.

In phone conversations between the two sisters, Christy began sounding increasingly desperate for Stacey to return home. During one conversation she pleaded for Stacey to return and admitted to her that Tom had assaulted her.

I found another site with more information on what brought events to light, and that she became the substitute wife, and when she moved out, her younger sister took her place.

The sexual abuse that Stacey suffered did not stay a secret like Tom demanded. Her mother, cousin, her babysitter, and a psychologist suspected that she was being abused. Her mother discovered a blood streaked pair of Stacey's underwear hidden in the basement stairs that led to the television room where Tom often abused Stacey. Deborah would sometimes hear Stacey's cries from the basement but since Tom was downstairs with Stacey she figured Tom would take care of whatever caused the tears.

Out of all of it, this is what bothered me most!  Too many knew what was going on, YET, did NOTHING!  They could have saved her from killing her monster, protecting her sister and ending up for years in jail.  Yet, nothing was done!  Does this sound too familiar?

How is someone that is abused to this extent charged with this crime? Years of abuse, years of molestation, then rape and sodomy, and they claimed that she was in the right frame of mind when killing her father? What child or person wouldn’t have fantasies of killing their abuser to get them out of the abuse if they have no other way? What abuse victim wouldn’t take the chance to end the abuse when they see it? NO, I am NOT condoning the killings, but also pointing out that these women were abused and in both cases, someone they loved was also being abused by the abuser. As a Survivor, and Advocate, I know that many times Victims will not do for themselves, but will do for someone they love that is being abused.

In 2000, Charity Sue Carey murdered her husband at the age of 27. She was later convicted of Second Degree Murder and sentenced to 30 years. Thirty years is a sentence typically recommended for repeat offenders with aggravating factors. Carey and her son suffered extreme emotional and physical abuse from Michael Carey.

The news release said Michael Carey began abusing Charity six months into their marriage, abuse that worsened over the next three years when Michael began raping Charity and threatening to kill her and her son.

In an article released by seMissourian.com I found the below information:

Michael Carey's wife before Charity and a former girlfriend gave depositions that they were also abused by him, and the former wife testified that he had been convicted of raping her 13-year-old daughter, the news release stated.

Charity Carey made a 911 call the night of Oct. 24, 2000, and police arrived at the couple's mobile home to find Michael Carey lying in a pool of blood on the kitchen floor with small-caliber bullet wounds in his head and chest. There were signs of a struggle, but no evidence of a break-in.

Not surprising, Charity Carey was NOT his first victim!  She was just the last in a string of victims that he abused, yet, he wasn't stopped!  Again, a pattern that happens all too often.  I'm sure Charity Carey did not know that he was an abuser, or she wouldn't have married him, yet, how would she have known? 
She suffered years of horrendous abuse, her son was abused along with her, and yet, this could not be used a mitigating factors in her killing their monster??

I wasn't able to find that much information on Charity Carey, but did find one that gave the below information:
A client of Washington University Law’s Civil Justice Clinic, who was convicted for the murder of her abusive husband, has had her sentence commuted by outgoing Missouri Governor Matt Blunt.

Since 2005, the clinic has worked to bring to light the extreme physical and sexual violence that their client, Charity Sue Carey, suffered at the hands of her husband. Carey was convicted before much was known about “battered wife syndrome,” and her 30-year sentence for his murder would now be considered excessive. Thanks to the clinic’s efforts, the 35-year-old Sikeston, Missouri woman's sentence was commuted last week from 30 years to 10 years, making her eligible for release in April. 

"Stacey Lannert and Charity Carey have paid for their crimes," Blunt said in the release. "In both cases, the abuse these women suffered was clearly a mitigating factor in their actions. It is my hope and belief that when Ms. Lannert and Ms. Carey are paroled that they will become productive members of society."

Stacey Ann Lannert & Charity Sue Carey get years in prison for killing someone that had abused them for years. YET, abusers get off many times with a slap on the wrist for abusing, raping, molesting, terrifying, and torturing their victim for years. Does this sound right to you?

How many women are now in prison serving time for ending their abuse and that of their children?  How many women are paying the price for doing what they felt they had to do to stop the abuse?  A documentary was released recently about women that are behind bars for the crime of killing their abusers, called "Till Death Do Us Part".

This is a documentary that has been 5 years in the making. Prior to 1992, women were unable to use their abuse as testimony in criminal trials. Therefore, hundreds of women are serving life sentences in prison for killing their abuser in the defense of their life, or the lives of their children. I interviewed 40 women, 13 of their stories are incorporated in this feature length documentary. Til Death Do Us Part was released on April 8th, 2008.

I feel that these women have more then paid their price for what they did. In so many ways, I think they were failed, and that things would have turned out differently if those that saw what was going on or had clues that there was abuse would have acted, instead of standing by and letting it continue. Isn’t that something called “Failure to Protect?”


I know that while I went through my abuse with my husband, I dreamed of many ways to kill him so that I could get out. In the end, I saw a number flash across the screen that gave me hope, and helped me get out of the abuse. The National Domestic Violence Hotline saved my life, and got me in touch with local help that got me out of the situation. Adds that you don’t see much now-a-days, DV is NOT heard about enough! If I had NOT seen that number, that add, if I had not finally seen that there was help out there, I could have been one of the women that are sitting in jail for protecting themselves and those they love…

January 10, 2009

Third DV Charge in Four Months

How does it get to this? I understand that there has to be a hearing, but what was put into place after the first time to protect others (since it doesn't come right out and SAY this is against the same woman)? What about the second time in the same month? Here is says he was charged for this third incident...is he finally behind bars until something can be determined? I surely hope so, because in this case I don't see where he can plead not guilty....well I guess he could, but if he didn't do any of it (either time) then I guess he just has some bad lick in being blamed for violence.... Why can't something be done to protect others from these monsters?

"A Wadena man faces his third domestic violence case since September after an altercation at a Wadena apartment Dec. 27.
Ronald Blair, 49, is accused of punching a woman in the face and pushing her to the ground because she was “disrespecting” him, according to Wadena County court documents. The woman wielded a knife to protect herself in the fight.
The victim called 911 but Blair allegedly took the phone from her and broke it in half. When police arrived to investigate, Blair blamed the alleged victim for the incident, saying, “That b---- is all cracked out again!”
Blair was charged Dec. 30 with felony domestic assault, interfering with a 911 call and fourth-degree criminal damage to property.
Court records indicate he has two previous domestic violence related charges from Sept. 17 and Sept. 30, 2008.
His first court hearing was set for Jan. 6."

Original Article: Domestic violence charge is man’s third in four months | Wadena Pioneer Journal | Wadena, Minnesota

Kits help victims of stalkers

This sounds very helpful, I just wish more places had things like this!

"If you look in the kit you'll find a small cassette recorder, mace, a door jam, window alarms, an air horn, a disposable camera, a notepad and a pen -- and just maybe freedom from fear.
Victims can have a hard time finding freedom from stalkers, who authorities..."

Read the full article: Free kits to help victims of stalkers

Marked Women (Baltimore City Paper)

This is a very long article but it is well worth the read! There is alot of good information here for someone who is experiencing abuse, or for someone that has a friend experiencing abuse. This article is also good for those that have recently gotten out of a Domestic Violence situation and are thinking they can't make it or contemplating going back. Going back is never a good idea and you can make! You are not alone and this article will show you that. Please pass this on to anyone you think would benefit from reading it.

"'My mom was killed by my dad so we moved,' Takia* says when asked what brought her to Baltimore. Sitting in the kitchen in the House of Ruth's shelter for battered woman, the pretty 28-year-old with a soft, open face is matter of fact, saying it the way others might say their dad got a..."

Read the full article here: Baltimore City Paper - News+Features: Marked Women

Update on Hayes & Haley Heatwole

We wanted to send out an update on the Amber Alert that we helped send out on the 1st.  Thankfully the children are safe, but we are saddened that they are now parentless due to the fact that their father murdered their Mother.  No sources show if the children were present at the time of the murder of Angela Heatwole and another in the home, but we pray that they were safe from this.

"A man still sorting through a divorce committed suicide early Friday after killing his ex-wife, a renter and neighbor and abducting his children, according to the Buncombe County Sheriff's Office."

When reading this, one thing came to mind...  That so many in society still see DV as a "Family Matter".  When are they going to see that it affects Society in so many ways?  When are they going to see that it not only hurts the family going through the DV, but those around them, and not only when those not in the family get murdered.

"Who knows what could possess someone to do something this crazy?"  Dillingham said.  "I don't even want to speculate on any motive, and I don't know that we'll ever know now that they're both deceased."

Those of us that have been through dV, those of us that have had X's that we were/are afraid of, can truly speculate on what would possess someone to do something this crazy.  True, we shouldn't as Angela Heatwole was murdered, and him now dead because he cowardly ended his own life after murdering; but as a Survivor myself, I have known many nights of fear myself, and thankfully have come out alive.

"Amber Alert plea for help from investigators triggered a public tip, and authorities surrounded the home early Friday.  When deputies asked Heatwole to surrender, authorities heard one gun shot."

""You never expect anything like this in your neighborhood," he said."

Wanted to share this, for this is something that unfortunately is in EVERY neighborhood, behind closed doors.  Every neighborhood in the US has a Victim living in it, every neighborhood has the potential of having something like this happen in it.  This is why we need Soceity to help keep an eye out for those that may  need help yet don't know how or can't reach out for it.  With 1 in 3 women being affected by DV, do the math...

Angela Heatwole will not be forgotten by her Sisters... and our prayers go out to the family and children.

Original Article

January 7, 2009

January is National Stalking Awareness Month

During January 2009, communities across the country will observe National Stalking Awareness Month, a time to focus on a crime that affects 1.4 million victims a year. This year’s theme, “Stalking: Know It. Name It. Stop It.” challenges the nation to combat this dangerous crime by learning more about it. Stalking is a crime in all 50 states and the District of Columbia. One in 12 women and one in 45 men will be stalked in their lifetime, for an average duration of almost two years, and most victims are ordinary Americans (1). Victims may experience psychological trauma, financial hardship, and even death (2). Eighty-one percent of victims stalked by an intimate partner were also physically assaulted by that partner (3), and seventy-six percent of female homicide victims were stalked prior to their death(4). Yet many victims underestimate the seriousness and impact of the crime.

At first, they may view stalking as “creepy” but not dangerous. They may think that ignoring or confronting stalkers will stop them. But stalkers almost never stop, and confronting a stalker may escalate the violence. Even when victims see the danger and report the crime, stalking may be hard for authorities to recognize, investigate, and prosecute. Unlike other crimes, stalking is not a single, easily identifiable crime but a series of acts, a course of conduct directed at a specific person that would cause that person fear. Stalking may take many forms—such as assaults, threats, vandalism, burglary, or animal abuse—as well as unwanted cards, calls, gifts, or visits. Stalkers may use a range of devices—such as computers, Global Position System devices, or hidden cameras—to track their victims’ daily activities. Stalkers fit no standard psychological profile, and many have been known to follow their victims from one jurisdiction to another, making apprehension by the authorities even more difficult.

Click on the title above to go to the website for more details!

1 Tjaden and Thoennes, “Stalking in America,” (Washington, DC: National Institute of Justice, U.S. Department of Justice, 1998).

2 Mullen, Pathe, and Purcell, Stalkers and Their Victims, (New York: Cambridge University Press, 2000).

3 Tjaden, “Stalking in America.”

4 MacFarlane et al., “Stalking and Intimate Partner Femicide,” Homicide Studies 3, no. 4 (1998): 300-16.

January 2, 2009

Happy Holidays & Stay Safe in 2009!!!

Holiday Colors are NOT Black & Blue...

All of us from UAADV.org wish you and yours a Happy & SAFE New Year!


During the Holidays life can get more stressful, mostly in an economy such as ours at this time, and unfortunately DV incidences rise during this time of year.  Know the red flags, get the information you need, and know what to do in case you are faced with a violent altercation with a loved one.  There IS help!  No-One deserves to be abused, and there IS life after abuse!  We've made it, so can you!!

Survivors, please be there during this time of year more then any other, to help speak out and let those that may need support know that it's out there.  Help each other!  Domestic Violence Awareness NEEDS to be SEEN and HEARD more often!  Help be that change and help Break the Silence of Domestic Violence!

Thank You to those that are making a difference!  All your time, effort, and work truly does make a difference and is truly appreciated!  UAADV thanks everyone that has helped in the past years in making UAADV as strong as it is, and we are looking forward to growing further in the coming year.

Let's make 2009 the year we come together and TRULY make a difference!

January 1, 2009

Amber Alert!!!! Hayes & Haley Heatwole

There's been an Amber Alert issued for North Carolina, Father abduction of Hayes (6) and Haley (10).  Information is as follows:


The vehicle possibly has a camper cover that is white in color.  The truck may have gold stripes and rusted fender wells.
RALEIGH 7:33 PM -- The Buncombe County Sheriff`s Office is searching for 2 missing children:   Hayes NA Heatwole and  Haley NA Heatwole.

Hayes NA Heatwole is a 6-year-old White male, approximately 3 feet  8 inches tall, weighing 45 pounds.   He has blond- long shaggy hair, and blue eyes.  

Haley NA Heatwole is a 10-year-old White female, approximately 4 feet  8 inches tall, weighing 62 pounds.   She has brown-shoulder length hair, and hazel eyes.   Scar on her forehead that extends to the bridge of her nose.

Allegedly, there is 1 abductor:   Richard Doughlas Heatwole.   Richard Doughlas Heatwole is described as 45 years old,  White, male, 5 feet  6 inches tall, weighing 165 pounds.   He has brown hair and hazel eyes.  

Authorities believe the suspect and children are traveling to St. Petersburg, Fl. The vehicle is a White 1986 Toyota  Truck Extended Cab with NC license tag number YNS-8257.

If you have any information regarding this abduction, call the Buncombe County Sheriff`s Office immediately at (828) 250-6670, NA or call 911 or *HP.