When domestic violence turns lethal: Threats, assaults going up

Below is a very good article about the realities of Domestic Violence.  The numbers are indeed going up, whether it be because of the economy, in the end it doesn’t matter.  The reality is that there’s more to do, more reaching out that needs to be done, more information and resources need to reach the victims of Domestic Violence so that they can then Survive and thrive! 

My prayers go out to Joan Lark and her family that was left behind.  Unfortunately, so many victims feel as she did, that they just didn’t have enough evidence or it wasn’t bad enough just yet to get the help just yet.  So many women wait until it gets “Bad Enough”, unfortunately some wait too long…

Getting out is hard, leaving our safety zones are hard, not knowing how financially you’re going to make it with 3 kids is hard; but throughout it all getting out is so much more peaceful then staying in the abuse!  Yes, it’s hard, there’s nights you’ll cry and wish to God you could just go back and have what safety, what normalcy you can get again, but you have to hang in there and tough it out, mostly if you have children that are counting on you to get them through safely.  No one deserves to be abused, no one deserves to have their life taken away on a whim of an abuser.  Please, if you are in a Domestic Violence situation, or you know someone that is, get help before it’s too late.  Today is a good day to start a new life for you and yours….

Sunday, February 26, 2012

By Nathan Hardin

nhardin@salisburypost.com

Franklin Davis peered out the front window of his home at 205 Spencer St. in East Spencer like he did every morning to see if the newspaper was there. But something was different that day.

It was a Friday morning in late January. His neighbor’s lights weren’t on in the house and her kids weren’t outside waiting for the bus. Both of those things were out of place, he said.

Davis, a wheelchair-bound veteran, knew Joan Lark from the Salisbury Veterans Administration hospital, where she worked as a front-desk assistant. He also knew she was up early every morning working to get her grandkids ready for school.

Minutes later, Lark’s grandchildren were banging on his door, asking for help.

At 6:42 a.m., the first call came into the 911 center.

“Hello. I need to report a possible homicide,” the caller said.

Joan Lark’s death was one of several domestic violence-related killings in Rowan County within the last few years. It was one of eight across North Carolina in January.

The county’s domestic abuse victim advocates say they’ve seen increases in numbers from year to year. They also said threats and assaults typically escalate over time.

Since 2001, the number of filed domestic violence protection orders in the county has doubled, according to statistics provided by the Rowan County Sheriff’s Office.

The number of men charged in Rowan County for assaulting women has more than doubled, from 93 in 2001 to 231 last year.

‘Please help’

The 911 caller was another of Joan Lark’s neighbors. A few seconds later a 14-year-old, Lark’s oldest granddaughter, got on the phone.

“She wouldn’t ... move at all,” she said. “Please help. I’m really scared.”

A 911 operator stayed on the phone with the teenager, working to keep her and her five siblings calm.

Lark was the caretaker for six of her daughter’s children.

At one point, the girl told the operator she and her sister had awakened during the night to loud noises.

“It was like banging noises, like constantly,” the crying girl said. “Constantly banging over again, and then it stopped for a little bit, and then it kept going.”

Detectives said Lark was beaten to death with a baseball bat. Lark’s boyfriend, Kerry Wooden, told the Post that Lark kept a bat beside her bed for protection.

Deputies caught up with the 49-year-old’s ex-boyfriend, Gary Cureton, in an Old Concord Lake Road home in Kannapolis later on the day of the murder.

Investigators said he was wearing her jacket and was covered in blood. His pockets, they said, were stuffed with Lark’s jewelry.

Cureton was arrested and charged with first-degree murder, robbery with a firearm or other dangerous weapon and first-degree burglary.

Started with threats

In 2008, North Carolina had the fourth highest number of domestic violence cases in the nation where a man killed a woman, according to the N.C. Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

Last year, 73 domestic violence homicides occurred in North Carolina, including a September murder in which Por Ye Lor of Salisbury shot and killed his wife Zoua Xiong at her job in Concord before taking his own life.

Despite a 30 percent drop in domestic violence over the last 30 years, nearly 700 others died in domestic violence incidents between 2002 and 2010, according to a comprehensive homicide report from the N.C. Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

Like other domestic abuse situations, Lark’s started with threats.

She ended her relationship with Cureton last February, relatives said, but allowed him to stay at the house because she felt sorry for him as he recovered from a serious illness and several surgeries.

Wooden, Lark’s boyfriend and co-worker at the VA hospital, said Lark didn’t take Cureton’s threats seriously at first, but later began recording threatening conversations.

At the time of her death, she had 33 such recordings. But she hadn’t sought a restraining order against Cureton.

“She wasn’t sure if she had enough evidence,” Wooden said in an interview just after Cureton’s arrest. “She said she wanted it to build up to have a good case.”

Lark’s relatives declined to comment on the matter recently, saying they had been advised not to by the Rowan County District Attorney’s Office.

Trina Baldwin, court advocate for the Family Crisis Council of Rowan County, said she didn’t want to comment on Lark’s specific case, but she said some threats of any kind need to be taken seriously.

“It’s rare that the threats and the abuse doesn’t escalate,” Baldwin said.

Baldwin said sometimes abuse victims don’t understand the effectiveness of domestic violence protection orders, also called 50-B orders for the N.C. General Statute that defines them.

“I would recommend them because of the preventive nature and the violation of the 50-B is not taken lightly.”

In 2011, 580 50-Bs were filed in Rowan County. Out of those, 19 protective orders were violated.

Increase in abuse

Baldwin said she has seen an increase in the number of abuse victims. Some of that, she said, is because the abused can’t afford to leave.

“I’ve seen more staying with the abusers because of the economy,” she said. “It affects their safety and the children that may be living in that environment.”

A victim now staying at the battered women’s shelter said controlling finances was one way her abuser kept control of her.

“He kept all the credit cards, all the money. If I wanted anything I had to go to him,” she said. “It was scary. Am I going to be able to pay bills? I’ve always been dependent on a man.”

After moving to Salisbury, the mother of five — who asked that her name not be used — had no friends and felt isolated, she said. Now she’s at the shelter for the second time.

She went back to her husband after a confrontation in the fall.

“I wanted to make my marriage work,” she said.

She left again in January after he assaulted one of her children.

Before seeking help, she said, she made up excuses to her children and herself about what was happening.

“I blamed it on him being drunk,” she said. “It wasn’t like he beat me or hit me every single day.”

Executive Director Lucretia Trent said many victims at the shelter have made excuses for abusers.

“Sometimes it’s very hard for someone to say this person I married is this way.” she said. “It’s hard to hear him say, ‘Well, if you loved me then you would do all these things right and then I wouldn’t have to do this.’ ”

Facing their excuses, the mother of five said, is one of the psychological aspects that victims are helped with at the battered women’s shelter.

“Something they taught us here is alcohol does not turn people into an abusive person,” she said.

Afraid to reach out

Trent, who has led the Family Crisis Council for two years, said a constant environment of condescension and manipulation is “almost like mind control.”

“There can be threats to children, to pets, to family members,” she said, “it makes them afraid to reach out.”

She said abuse victims often have to move, which makes the process even more difficult.

“I’m not sure if people realize how totally devastating this can be,” she said, “because many clients have to relocate out of the state, out of the region, in order to be safe.”

Salisbury Police Capt. Shelia Lingle said officers typically see the same couples fighting repeatedly.

As a young officer, she said, she was called out to a domestic dispute on Old Wilkesboro Road almost every weekend for about six months.

But the situation changed one night when the woman stabbed her boyfriend.

“It was an older couple, a boyfriend and girlfriend. They drank, and when they drank, they fought like crazy,” Lingle said. “She would beat on him. He would beat on her.”

Lingle said all the officers were aware of the couple, but the resources weren’t available to help the situation.

“It got to where she stabbed him one time and put him in the hospital,” she said. “That's not your typical situation, but that's just one that I, as a young officer, got called out to all the time.”

Now, Lingle said, domestic violence agencies are available to help officers assist abuse victims.

The department also documents domestic situations more aggressively to help victims that may return to their abuser.

“We make sure we document where the injuries are. We take photographs because sometimes if they go back to him ...” she said. “We've gotten better as a police department at doing what we can to help.”

Baldwin said victims who are being threatened need to seek help immediately.

According to Baldwin, when a victim attempts to leave her abuser, “the risk of lethality goes up 75 percent.”

“He has lost control over her,” she said. “He’s going to try to gain control back.”

The Family Crisis Council of Rowan County provides services to victims of domestic violence and sexual assault. All services are free and confidential. Contact the organization or 24-hour crisis line at 704-636-4718.

Contact reporter Nathan Hardin at 704-797-4246.

Original Article

Dating Abuse Resources

This section is designated for all matters concerning dating violence. This section is for both teens and adults; as well as parents of teens who are dating and/or have been victims of dating violence. If you are looking for specific information and can not find it here, please use our Contact Form to the left or leave a comment below. We will provide any assistance that we can in helping you locate the information you are looking for.

State Laws on Teen Dating Violence

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US National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline 866.331.9474 or 866.331.8453 (TTY)

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Sites

• Choose Respect
• Date Safe Project
• GLBT National Help Center
• The Safe Space

They date, they abuse, they text, they kill: Messages a new silent weapon

The article found here (copied below): http://www.twincities.com/ci_15346413?source=most_viewed   states in the title that textual harassment is something new, but it isn't really.  If you read the article it cites cases going back a few years.  It is new only in the sense that before text messaging it was not possible.  Parents, please check on your teens texting!!  Teens, please know that if you are being harassed by someone you can find places to get help...your parents, teachers, friends even, and many places on line.  Love Is Respect is one of the best places to turn to.  There are others in the sites listed in the Dating Abuse Page here on this blog. 

Please read the article in full, yeah yeah I know it's long, but pay attention to the one thing they all had in common...no one else knew.  The nature of texting allows this to be completely private and well hidden.  Do something about it now...before it's too late.  Don't think it can't be you or your kids, because it can!  I know many parents that feel that checking their kids phones is an invasion of privacy; well so is death at the hands of an abusive partner.  You can start by monitoring just the number of texts per day, week, month, etc....if you see a spike talk to your teen, ask what is going on.  Then, only if you feel the need to do so, do you have to actually read the messages.

By Donna St. George
Washington Post

WASHINGTON — The text messages to the 22-year-old Virginia woman arrived day and night, sometimes 20 or 30 at once. Her ex-boyfriend wanted her back. He would not be refused. He texted or called 758 times.

In New York, a 17-year-old trying to break up with her boyfriend got fewer messages, but they were menacing. "You don't need nobody else but me," read one. Another threatened to kill her.

It is all part of what is increasingly called "textual harassment," a growing aspect of dating violence at a time when cell phones and unlimited texting plans are ubiquitous among the young. It can be insidious, because messages pop up at the sender's will: Where r u? Who r u with? Why didnt u answer me?

"It's gotten astonishingly worse in the last two years," said Jill Murray, who has written several books on dating violence and speaks on the topic nationally. Especially for those who have grown up in digital times, "it's part and parcel of every abusive dating relationship now."

The harassed often feel compelled to answer the messages, whether they are one-word insults or 3 a.m. demands. Texts arrive in class, at the dinner table, in movie theaters — 100 or more a day, for some.

Harassment is "just easier now, and it's even more persistent and constant, with no letting up," said Claire Kaplan, director of sexual and domestic violence services at the University of Virginia, which became the focus of national attention in May with the killing of lacrosse player Yeardley Love, 22.

Police have charged Love's ex-boyfriend, George Huguely, 22, with first-degree murder and allege he removed her computer from the crime scene as he fled. Huguely had sent Love angry e-mails, according to police, who have not released details.

Kacey Kirkland, a victim services specialist with the police department in Fairfax County, Va., has seen textual harassment in almost every form: threats, rumors, lies, late-night questions.

Love’s former boyfriend allegedly called or texted her 758 times, insisting they get back together. (ASSOCIATED PRESS)

 

"The advances in technology are assisting the perpetrators in harassing and stalking and threatening their victims," Kirkland said.

In the case involving the 22-year-old who received 758 messages from her ex-boyfriend, the harassment led to stalking charges and a protective order, Kirkland said.

Harassment by text is one facet of abusive relationships, which often involve contact in person, by phone, by e-mail and through Facebook or other social networking sites.

"What technology offers is irrefutable evidence of the abuse," said Cindy Southworth, founder of the Safety Net Project on technology at the National Network to End Domestic Violence.

Siobhan Shev Russell was killed by her boyfriend 10 weeks after high school graduation. Her mother later found scores of text messages from the boy. (THE WASHINGTON POST)

Lynne Russell said the privacy of text messaging helped obscure the danger facing her daughter, Siobhan "Shev" Russell. The 19-year-old from Oak Hill, Va., was killed by her boyfriend in April 2009, 10 weeks after delivering a graduation speech at Mountain View Alternative High School.

Later, Russell and her husband found scores of texts, some disturbing, from the boy, now 18.

"I don't think she recognized the warning signs, and we didn't see the signs until it was too late," said Russell, who plans a dating-violence awareness campaign for the fall.

A federal survey released this month showed one in 10 high school students nationally reported being hit, slapped or physically hurt by a boyfriend or girlfriend during the previous year. Such surveys do not show rising violence, but the texting culture has changed the experience.

Kristin Mitchell, 21, got a text message from her boyfriend asking why Kristin had gone to her goddamned class rather than spend time with him, among others. She was killed three weeks after her graduation from college.

One woman in her 20s was so closely tracked that her partner insisted she text him photos — each with a clock displaying the time — to prove her whereabouts, said Hannah Sassoon, head of the domestic violence response team in Montgomery County, Md.

In the past several years, about a dozen states have passed or are considering laws to bring dating violence education into schools.

The legislative push comes partly from parents such as Gary Cuccia, a Pennsylvania father whose daughter, Demi Brae, was killed a day after her 16th birthday in 2007. Cuccia said Demi had broken up with her teen-age boyfriend.

Cuccia would later learn that the ex-boyfriend had texted Demi again and again, saying such things as, "You know you can't live without me." After Demi finally agreed to see him, the boy came to her home when she was alone and stabbed her 16 times.

Her father said the largely private nature of texting is an important factor.

"When I was growing up, we had one phone in the whole house, and if you were fighting with your girlfriend, everybody knew about it," Cuccia said.

Last year, Maryland passed a bill to encourage — not require — school districts to teach the topic. It was less than what Bill and Michele Mitchell, who lost their daughter, Kristin, to dating violence in 2005, wanted. But it was a start, and the couple, from Ellicott City, Md., say they will continue to push.

Kristin, 21, graduated from St. Joseph's University in Philadelphia three weeks before her death. Just hours before she was killed, she had texted her boyfriend, "you are being ridiculous why cant I do something with my friends."

Bill Mitchell later learned the boyfriend had sent texts such as the one asking why Kristin had gone to her "goddamned class" rather than spend time with him. Mitchell said he hopes more young people will begin to see warning signs where his family did not.

"Text messaging, in the wrong hands, has to be about the worst thing that's come along when we're talking about dating violence and controlling personalities," Mitchell said.

A recent survey by the Associated Press and MTV shows that nearly one in four respondents ages 14 to 24 reported that partners check in multiple times a day to see where they are or who they are with, and more than one in 10 said partners demanded passwords.

One challenge is that many youths do not view excessive texting as a problem. "If you're getting 50 messages an hour and you want 50 messages an hour, that's not a problem," said Marjorie Gilberg, executive director of Break the Cycle, which works to end dating violence. "But if you're getting 50 messages an hour and you don't even want one, that's very different."

Such topics are addressed through a teen help line called Love Is Respect and several national awareness campaigns, including MTV's effort on digital abuse, A Thin Line, a joint effort on digital dating abuse called That's Not Cool and the initiative Love is Not Abuse.

Murray, the author, said her cases have included a 16-year-old whose ex-boyfriend paid four friends to help him text when he was asleep or at work: "It was like psychological torture."

Murray urges parents to check on how many messages their children get, at what hour and from whom. "Parents don't know this is going on whatsoever," she said.

Knight in Tarnished Armor

One of our members shared the link to a story written by a Domestic Violence Survivor, and I've since talked to her and gotten permission to share with you the below.  Not many Survivors are able to put in book form what they went through for many various reasons, and it's always amazing when yet another Survivor is able to do so.  I not only thank Erin for writing this book, but for reaching out to others that are in need of her courage!

Knight in Tarnished Armor by Erin Donovan

I often have said that if domestic violence was going to happen to anyone, it was a good thing it happened to me.  I was raised in a very loving, kind, stable household.  My parents are the best, and there was hardly ever a voice raised in our house, let alone people beating on others.  I grew up with a strong sense of self, fierce independence and a lot of self esteem.  I had supported myself for years before I got married and really wasn't all that interested in getting married, until my "knight" came along.  So when it came time to get out - I did - after almost three years of abuse.  But I couldn't get off my mind the women who have gone through similar circumstances and didn't have the fortitude or the support group that I did.  I didn't have children, didn't have to go to a shelter, didn't have to go find a job or place to live.  I had it easy - and still almost ended up dead.  I just kept thinking of the thousands and thousands of women who go to bed at night praying they will wake up in the morning and almost wishing they wouldn't because they will have to go through another day of abuse.  So, this book kept writing itself in my head.  Heck, I'm not an author, but I wrote a book about what I know, and I know domestic violence.  I'm stronger for it and my goal is to help anyone, woman, man, child, whomever, make it out and live life the way it should be lived - without fear of being abused, beaten or killed. 

In addition to my book, I've taken classes and courses and attended seminars and have read countless books on abuse.  I co-founded a support group for women which meets once a month.  This group isn't just for abuse victims, it's for anyone woman who needs the support of other women. Then I have "Sit and Sip" - which I call comfort sessions. These are conversations - either e-mail, phone or in person - with domestic violence victims where basically I let them talk.  I have found that I'm a very good listener and have the knack to ask questions that draws out what a victim needs to get out without making them feel pressured.  One woman, a stranger, called me out of the blue and talked for 4 hours.  At the end, she said, "You know, I've never told anyone my story from beginning to end before.  My life really sucks!" And she left her abuser right after that and is a very successful real estate agent now.  All she needed was to see her life in perspective, for someone to listen, and that's what I do.

The Knight has been out since September 8, 2009 and the feed back I have been getting is exciting and humbling at the same time.  I wrote this book for one reason - to help other victims - and I'm glad to say what I have been hearing is that it's doing just that.  There is a safety plan (compliments of Focus Ministries - a WONDERFUL organization for victims) and encouragement after my story.  One woman ordered one for herself and after she read it she ordered four more to send to each of her granddaughters.  I've have done a few radio interviews, but I do have to be careful with where I do what because my ex is still out there and if knows I've revealed his dirty secrets for all the world to see...I'm dead...he WILL kill me, no doubt in my mind. 

I guess the best way to sum it up is to read what I have written on my website and I'll include it here:

Welcome to my World

During the years of marriage to the man I thought was my knight in shining armor, the violence that quickly escalated took me by surprise.  I had no idea the man he truly was, was not the man I married; sweet, considerate, loving and gentle.  There were reasons for the abuse, I was told, so I waited, hoping it would stop. As the violence increased, I started a journal to document what  was happening.  I would document our latest "encounter", make a copy and give it to my mother to hold in a large manilla envelope - just in case he killed me, there would be enough proof to put him away forever.  Sounds a bit sad, but when you are a victim, you think like a victim.

What you will read in my book are those actual journal entries, as well as letters I had written to my husband and his doctors.  I have filled in with facts between the entries to flesh out my story and give you a glimpse into the world of a domestic violence victim.

But the important part of Knight in Tarnished Armor is not my story.  The important part is the advice at the end, the safety plan, the encouragement, and hopefully the realization that if you are a victim, you are just one step away to being a survivor - that one step out the door that will lead to your freedom. I'm not saying it's easy, but believe me, it's worth it.

I have my life back. I've never been happier and I'm stronger for having walked through the fire.  You can do it too and become the woman you want to be.  Take that step, we are here to help.

Battered Woman Syndrome Key Elements

 

From Psychiatric Times:

July 7, 2009
Psychiatric Times. Vol. 26 No. 7

TRAUMA AND VIOLENCE

Battered Woman Syndrome Key Elements of a Diagnosis and Treatment Plan Lenore E. Walker, EdD, ABPP-CL & Fam

Women who are victims of intimate-partner violence have been identified by the mental health field for more than 30 years now.^1-3 It is understood that domestic violence is part of gender violence, and that many more women than men are the victims of physical, sexual, and psychological abuse.^4-6 Even when women strike back or engage in mutual violence, it is usually the woman who is most likely to be hurt—both physically and emotionally. Women who strike back in self-defense are often arrested along with the batterer.

It is further understood that gender violence is fostered by the socialization of men to be more powerful than women. In some men, this process creates the need to abuse power and to control women.⁵ While the term “victim” is not always considered politically correct, in fact, until battered women take back some control over their lives, they may not truly be considered survivors.⁷ Psychological symptoms, called battered woman syndrome (BWS), develop in some women and make it difficult for them to regain control. Mental health professionals have been able to assist these battered women with empowerment techniques and with accurate diagnosis and proper treatment, as described here.

BATTERED WOMAN SYNDROME

BWS has been identified as a subcategory of posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD).8 Although not all battered women meet all the DSM-IV-TR criteria for PTSD,⁹ a sufficient number do; thus, a form of trauma treatment is most helpful.¹⁰

Table 1 lists 6 groups of criteria that recently have been found to be part of BWS.⁸

DIAGNOSIS

A number of steps will help you obtain accurate information when you are interviewing a woman whom you believe may be abused by her intimate partner (Table 2).

Safety

Begin by speaking with the woman without her partner present (if they are still together) and together form a safety plan. This can be difficult because batterers often want to be present during the entire examination so they can directly or even subtly remind the woman not to disclose their secret. It is not uncommon to feel as if the man were in the interview—even if he is waiting outside.

For a woman in a battering relationship, the most dangerous time is when she and her partner are discussing or thinking about separation.^11,12 Even if the woman is no longer living with the batterer, she may not be safe. It is important to help her feel safer by making it clear that you will not take advantage of her. The clinician can set up boundaries between himself or herself and the woman by asking her permission to touch her, to write notes, and to discuss areas of confidentiality and privilege. Individual or group therapy rather than couples therapy is recommended, at least initially.

Validation

A battered woman needs to feel validated when she describes the abuse. This can be done by emphasizing the positive things she did to protect herself and her children if they were involved. Tell her that no matter what she may have done or said, no one deserves to be abused. Be careful not to ask or even intimate that she might have done something to provoke the batterer. Such questions will not create the rapport that facilitates empowerment—nor do they create a safe space for the woman.

Most battered women have been told of their faults over and over by the batterer. They also have experienced his jealousy, overpossessiveness, and attempts to isolate them from significant friends or family. They may need education about the impact of abuse on their physical as well as mental health.¹³

Therapy should emphasize the woman’s strengths so that she trusts herself and others again. Naming her a battered woman with BWS may help her accept that she is not “crazy” (as the batterer predicted her doctor would find).

Risk and assessment

It is important to do a risk assessment while also completing a mental status examination. Some battered women have other disorders in addition to PTSD and BWS.^7,8,13

To assess the risk of further abuse, ask the woman to describe the first abusive incident that she can remember, the worst or one of the worst episodes, the last abuse before she came to see you, and typical incidents. Such questioning usually elicits sufficient information to determine the level of lethality and risk that she faces. The patterns of violence depicted in the Figure can also be used to help you assess the level of danger.

TREATMENT
A plan

Negotiate a treatment plan with the woman. The Survivor Therapy Empowerment Program (STEP) has been used effectively with individual women as well as with groups (Table 3).⁸

It is important to assess the woman’s resilience in addition to the degree to which she reexperiences the abuse, her hypervigilance and arousal level, and her avoidance behaviors.¹⁴

Although gathering information about the woman’s childhood history is useful, it is probably not the first area to explore. While almost half of the women in our research sample of more than 400 battered women had experienced child abuse (usually sexual abuse by a father or stepfather), many of these women were not ready to discuss these traumatic experiences initially and often were more likely to reveal them as treatment progressed.⁸

In an earlier research project conducted by this author, women were asked about factors that made it more difficult for them to leave the abusive relationship.⁸ Mental illness and previous trauma were not specified by the women interviewed, although learned helplessness and drug abuse were factors that stood out as deterrents to finding safety from violence.

Women who have experienced multiple traumas may have relatively little resilience to deal with current trauma. This is an important clue to the psychotherapist to move slowly in the treatment plan, regardless of whether earlier trauma is discussed. Medication may be discussed with the woman when appropriate, but it is important for her to contribute to any decision so that she feels more in control of her life.

Most battered women respond to cognitive rather than affective techniques initially—although both areas eventually need to be part of the treatment plan. As cognitive clarity is developed, attention, concentration, and memory will be enhanced. A battered woman may be so anxious during the initial interview that she cannot remember much of what has been said. It can be helpful to provide her with a card that lists resources, such as the local shelter for battered women. Repetition of the areas discussed may be important, especially until the woman has regained attention and concentration.

It often helps to recommend that the woman engage in more and different types of activities with other people. Such activities can help her overcome some of the isolation and the power and control that the batterer holds over her. She needs to understand that she may still be in danger, even if her partner has completed a treatment program.¹⁵

OPTIONS FOR THERAPY

Treatment of PTSD and BWS includes a combination of feminist and trauma therapy.^8,16 The feminist therapy contribution acknowledges that psychotherapy is a relationship in which the formal power resides with both the therapist and the client.¹⁶ Acknowledgment of the situational factors that can be beyond a woman’s control (eg, the lack of equality in society between men and women) helps her accept that she still can attempt to change those factors that she can control.

Legal action may contribute to a woman’s sense of empowerment—especially if she is able to use domestic violence statutes in criminal or civil court to obtain a restraining or protective order, to cause the batterer to be arrested, and to get him into a batterer’s intervention program. Filing for divorce is also a stressful legal action in family court. When the batterer has financial resources, suing him for a personal injury tort might also be an empowering action, although it is difficult to spend the time and attention often necessary to win such a case.

Trauma therapy helps a woman understand that she is not “crazy” and that she is not the only one dealing with the psychological symptoms that come from exposure to trauma. Without the use of trauma-specific therapy techniques, a woman may be unable to move past psychodynamic barriers that make it more difficult for her to deal with her situation. Thus, focusing on the external “trauma triggers” rather than her own internal issues will help heal BWS symptoms.

Briere and Scott¹⁰ have outlined the various steps that need to be followed during trauma therapy with abuse victims. Changing her part in the family system, even if it is dysfunctional, may be dangerous.

Trauma triggers that cause PTSD and BWS symptoms need to be identified and behavioral techniques need to be used to reduce their potency. Behavioral techniques that are useful during this phase include relaxation training, guided imagery, and successive approximation with high arousal incidents. These behavioral and cognitive-behavioral techniques may also help the woman develop cognitive clarity over time.

Some women benefit from a description of the autonomic nervous system that regulates many of PTSD symptoms.

Typical trauma triggers include the memory of the way the batterer’s face or eyes look when he begins his abuse, the curse words he shouts, a particular phrase he uses to demean or humiliate, or even the aftershave he uses or other odors he emits during the abuse. Startle responses and hypervigilance to cues of violence are the last symptoms of BWS to be extinguished. In many women, these cues or trauma triggers never totally go away. This sensitivity can interfere with new relationships. It is often necessary to help a new intimate partner develop patience and understanding to save the new relationship, provided that it is nonabusive. Despite the myth that women often go from one abusive relationship to another, data suggest that fewer than 10% of all battered women do so.⁸

The STEP is a formal application of the combination of feminist and trauma therapy.¹⁶ This 12-unit program has been empirically validated with clinic and jail populations, and it is useful for women with substance abuse as well as for those with interpersonal violence issues.⁸ When STEP is used in institutions, such as jails or substance abuse treatment centers, a shorter, adapted version of the 12 topics listed in Table 3 is generally used. In clinics and in private practice, each STEP unit may be developed over several sessions. When asked about their satisfaction level after each session, all of the women who participated in this program gave positive comments that were highly correlated with the reduction in their scores on the Beck Anxiety Inventory.

DVDs of feminist therapy with a domestic violence victim^17,18 and of a model 2-year treatment of a battered woman¹⁹ are available from www.psychotherapy.net.

LEGAL ISSUES

Many battered women are involved in legal issues and need the attention of the psychotherapist to help them get through the stress and help them understand what they need to do and to help them provide information their attorney needs. The Federal Violence Against Women Act (US Congress, 2005) provides numerous legal remedies, including declaring abuse as a violation of a woman’s human rights with subsequent opportunity for a federal lawsuit under the civil rights statutes.

Litigation frequently involves child custody and access to children. Each state has its own laws regarding parental responsibility, but they all usually presume that it is in the best interests of the child(ren) to have equal access to both parents. Unfortunately, batterers often use the children to continue their control over their ex-wives, so that it is difficult, dangerous, and usually impossible to share parental responsibility. Nevertheless, the parent whom the family court judge considers most likely to facilitate a friendly relationship with the other parent is often given greater access to the children. Mothers who try to protect their children from fathers who lack good parenting skills or who are actually abusing the children^20,21 are frequently seen as engaging in “hostile and aggressive parenting,” “parental alienation syndrome,” “psychological Munchausen by proxy,” or other similar nonempirically based disorders. They often lose custody and sometimes even all access to their children. (See http://www.Leadershipcouncil.org for more information on the danger to children after separation and divorce.)

Mothers who have lost their children frequently become depressed in addition to their trauma symptoms and are unable to fight the legal system without money or psychological energy to do so.²² Their children may end up physically, sexually, and psychologically abused by the batterer—regardless of whether he has custody, and especially if the children do not follow his orders.²⁰

In rare cases, battered women will kill their abusive partners rather than be killed themselves. As cited by the Bureau of Justice Statistics, fewer than 1200 battered women kill their batterers, while over 4000 women are killed by the men who batter them.^1,23,24 The most deadly time for a woman is when the batterer believes their relationship is over. Batterers often threaten to kill rather than to let their partner go.

It may be safer for the woman to live with the batterer than try to terminate the relationship—especially if she has children she needs to protect. This is counterintuitive and seems to contradict the need for battered women to leave an abusive relationship. However, court mandates may take away most of her ability to protect herself and her children by forcing shared parental responsibility and residential custody on them. Sometimes the batterer becomes even more enraged or decompensates without the woman and children in the same home with him and ends up killing her, their children, and himself. Newspapers and television usually report these cases, sometimes without the details about the history of abuse.

An explanation of the symptoms of BMS can help juries understand when a battered woman kills in self-defense; it helps to meet the legal burden that the woman had a reasonable perception of imminent (not immediate, but about to happen) danger. It is important to explain how the woman’s fear and desperation are triggered when a new battering incident is perceived as about to occur. It is helpful for forensic mental health evaluators to have copies of previous therapy records in which the woman’s comments about abuse and fear of the batterer are recorded.

CONCLUSIONS

BWS, a subcategory of PTSD, may develop in women who are victims of intimate-partner violence. Like other forms of PTSD, symptoms of BWS may resolve after the woman is safe and out of the abusive situation. However, many women need psychotherapy to help them regain control over their lives. Some women also need psychotropic medication.

BWS symptoms may reoccur even after recovery if a new stressor or trauma is experienced. Some women may be empowered by receiving a restraining order or by taking actions that lead to the arrest of the batterer. For other women, litigation—particularly contentious child custody cases—may exacerbate stress. Mental health professionals can help abused woman get through these stressful times by making sure that the risk of further abuse is as low as possible.

Fortunately, most battered women with BWS heal, raise their children, and go on to live productive lives once they are safe from the batterers’ abuse of power and control.^5,8,10,13,17

<sup>References
1. Bureau of Justice Statistics Selected Findings. Violence Between Intimates (NCJ-149259). Washington, DC: US Department of Justice; November 1994.
2. Brown LS. Subversive Dialogues: Theory in Feminist Therapy. New York: Basic Books; 1994.
3. Walker LE. The Battered Woman. New York: Harper & Row; 1979.
4. American Psychological Association Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family. Violence and the Family. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association; 1996.
5. Goodman LA, Koss MP, Fitzgerald LF, et al. Male violence against women. Current research and future directions. Am Psychol. 1993;48:1054-1058.
6. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Costs of intimate partner violence against women in the US.Washington, DC: US Department of Health and Human Services; 2003. http://www.cdc.gov/ncipc/pub-res/ipv_cost/ipv.htm. Accessed May 19, 2009.
7. American Psychological Association. Final Report of APA Working Group on Investigation of Memories of Childhood Abuse. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association; 1996.
8. Walker LE. The Battered Woman Syndrome.3rd ed. New York: Springer Publishing Company; 2009.
9. American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Fourth Edition, Text Revision (DSM-IV-TR). Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Association; 2000.
10. Briere JN, Scott C. Principles of Trauma Therapy: A Guide to Symptoms, Evaluation, and Treatment. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications, Inc; 2007.
11.Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Behavioral risk factor surveillance system 2005 report; 2006. http://ftp.cdc.gov/pub/data/brfss/2005summarydataqualityreport.pdf. Accessed May 19, 2009.
12.Campbell JC, Webster D, Koziol-McLain J, et al. Risk factors for femicide in abusive relationships: results from a multisite case control study. Am J Public Health. 2003;93:1089-1097.
13. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Adverse health conditions and health risk behaviors associated with intimate partner violence—United States, 2005 [published correction appears in MMWR. 2008;57:237]. MMWR. 2008;57:113-117.
14. Charney DS, Deutch AY, Krystal JH, et al. Psychobiologic mechanisms of posttraumatic stress disorder. Arch Gen Psychiatry. 1993;50:295-305.
15. Babcock JC, Green CE, Robie C. Does batterers’ treatment work? A meta-analytic review of domestic violence treatment. Clin Psychol Rev.2004;23:1023-1053.
16. Walker LE. Abused Women and Survivor Therapy: A Practical Guide for the Psychotherapist. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association; 1994.
17. Browne A. Violence against women by male partners. Prevalence, outcomes, and policy implications. Am Psychol. 1993;48:1077-1087.
18. Walker LE. Feminist Therapy: Psychotherapy With the Experts Series.Needham Heights, MA: Allyn &Bacon; 1998.
19. Walker LE. The Abused Woman: A Survivor Therapy Approach. Assessment and Treatment of Psychological Disorders Video Series. http://www.psychotherapy.net/video/Abused_Woman. Accessed July 1, 2009.
20. Bancroft L, Silverman JG. The Batterer as a Parent: Addressing the Impact of Domestic Violence on Family Dynamics. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications, Inc; 2002.
21. Edleson JL. The overlap between child maltreatment and woman battering. Violence Against Women. 1999;5:134-154.
22. Clements CM, Sabourin CM, Spiby L. Dysphoria and hopelessness following battering: the role of perceived control, coping, and self-esteem. J Family Violence. 2004;19:25-36.
23. Bureau of Justice Statistics Special Report. Murder in Families (NCJ-143498). Washington, DC: US Department of Justice; 1994.
24. Bureau of Justice Statistics. Family Violence Statistics: Including Statistics on Strangers and Acquaintances. US Department of Justice. http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/abstract/fvs.htm. Accessed May 19, 2009.</sup>

^{For More Information
• American Psychological Association Ad Hoc Committee on Legal and Ethical Issues in the Treatment of Interpersonal Violence. Potential Problems for Psychologists Working With the Area of Interpersonal Violence. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association; 1997.}

^{• US Department of Justice. Violence Against Women Act (VAWA). 2005. http://www.ovw.usdoj.gov/regulations.htm.}

More Research: Trauma and Violence…Battered Women « RightsForMothers.com

Gay teens in SC excluded from being protected by new Domestic Violence Prevention Program

This is just sick...Here’s part of since I can not comment intelligently on this, the link at the bottom is to the full article.

COLUMBIA, S.C. (AP) — South Carolina lawmakers want to prevent violence in teen relationships but won't allow a new school program aimed at curbing such abuse to mention gay and lesbian partnerships.

State representatives voted overwhelmingly Thursday to bar any mention of homosexual relationships in the new program for middle and high school students. The move was pushed by lawmakers who said they don't want schools teaching about gay relationships and said they doubt those partnerships have high levels of abuse.

"I do not want the Department of Education or school districts teaching our children in grades six through 12 about same-sex relationships," said Rep. Greg Delleney, a Chester Republican who pushed to make the violence prevention program apply only to heterosexual relationships. "I'm sure it would develop into that."

The measure, which was swiftly condemned by gay rights advocates passed the GOP-dominated House 75-25 and should head to the Senate next week. It initially was intended to curb youth violence in a state that consistently ranks high in the number of women killed by men.

Steve Ralls, national spokesman for Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians & Gays, said he had not heard of another state with an anti-dating violence program that excluded same-sex relationships.

"We are astounded that there are those who would prioritize their own homophobia ahead of the safety of the young people of South Carolina," he said. "Lesbian and gay young people are often doubly vulnerable when they are in environments where they are disrespected and adults are sending clear messages that their well-being isn't as important."

Bill sponsor Rep. Joan Brady said excluding gay relationships is fine and declared that, "Traditional domestic violence occurs in...MORE Here --> The Associated Press: SC House nixes mention of gays in date-abuse bill

The Power of One

There is a new campaign going on in North Carolina, sponsored by the NCCADV, and running through Oct. 1, 2009.

If you live in NC please read about the campaign here:  http://uaadvnorthcarolina.blogspot.com/2009/04/power-of-one.html

If you are not in NC but you know others who are feel free to pass on the link or its contents in whatever way you see fit.

Thank you!!

UAADV supports Miss Laura Pennington as the next Miss Virginia!

http://www.missva.com/

Miss Laura Pennington is running for Miss Virginia 2009, and UAADV support her as a Sister Survivor and Advocate, and feel that she will bring much needed awareness in her role as Miss Virginia 2009.  Domestic Violence and Breaking the Silence is her platform for the pageant, and has always been in the past.  To Miss Laura Pennington, it is not just a platform or a pageant, but a positive way to reach out to women and children about Domestic Violence and how to have a healthy relationship.
 
Below is a write up that she has shared, and more information will be coming in the future.  Please, visit her personal site, get to know her and her mission, and support her in becoming the next Miss Virginia!

Personal message from Miss Laura Pennington:
 
I feel like my position as a survivor, someone who has worked for a DV attorney for three years, and someone who has volunteered and interned for years in shelters has allowed me to see this issue from all sides.  The fact is-DV is so often miscatergorized.  People just don't understand it.  I have honestly been surprised at what has happened recently with Chris Brown and Rhianna-many celebrities have actually stepped up and refused to support Chris Brown or his music because of what he did, but then my mom and I saw Judge Judy on Larry King saying that Chris Brown just had "anger management issues."  Anger management issues that only seem to break out around females?  He's never exploded at his manager, gotten into a fight with friends, etc?  He has a problem abusing women, not an anger management problem.  This current issue highlights so many reasons people just don't understand what's really happening.
 
There are so many stereotypes out there about women and I feel we so frequently get pigeon-holed.  It's something I live every day.  I have been asked by colleagues "How do you expect to be taken seriously as a graduate student when you compete in pageants?"  The answer is because I believe that women SHOULD be able to do whatever they want to do without social stigmas attached to it.  And I believe that I will be taken seriously on both ends precisely because I refuse to fit into the mold society has provided for me.  Little girls today are given women like Britney Spears and Paris Hilton to look up to-not real women, putting themselves through college and graduate school, volunteering on the side and reaching for their dreams.
 
So absolutely, if I have the chance to show little girls a real woman in myself, that is my goal.  This summer they are going to do a people's choice vote again and I will need your help.  This years Miss America was the "People's Choice" and the judges choice for the crown, and I hope to follow in her footsteps.  I think wearing the crown is not about the glamor or the opportunities it presents you personally, but the opportunities it gives you to reach out to other people during the year, making a real impact talking about something that you care about.  Miss Virginia gives 40 presentations connecting her platform to making good decisions throughout her year of service.  That means a chance for me to reach out to an incredible number of school children talking about self-esteem, the importance of treating others well, and how to create and maintain healthy relationships.

Violence in teen relationships - increase due to apathetic acceptance?

 

...under twenty-five, both are financially set, yet a pattern of violent behavior has been documented by both friends and co-workers of the two celebrities. 

Relationship violence and sexual assault in this age group cuts across all genders, sexual orientation, and racial backgrounds. It is an accepted part of any teen couple's relationship and that is as disturbing as it is sad. The idea that a couple expects some type of abuse in their relationship is frightening. Where did this "it's okay" (...more)

Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Week - Feb 2 - 6, 2009

February 2 - 6 is National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and
Prevention Week for 2009. In 2006, Congress passed legislation that
the first week in February would be designated to focus on this
important issue facing our teens. Less than one week after its first
observance, Jennifer Ann Crecente - a high school honors student, was
murdered by her ex-boyfriend. Jennifer Ann’s group is dedicated to her memory.

For ideas on what you can do to promote awareness please visit their
website:
http://jenniferann.org/national-teen-dating-violence-awareness-and-prevention-week.htm

Thank you for your interest and support of efforts to STOP Teen
Dating Violence!

"Jennifer Ann's Group" - Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Week - Feb 2 - 6, 2009

Teen Dating Violence and Awareness Week: What are your plans? - Canada

In reading this article, many things hit me at once, and with this article being so long and full of important information, I'm going to ask you to please take a few minutes out of your day and read it.  It's that important.....Why you ask?'

Simple, this is NOT something that is only happening in Canada.  This is NOT something that is only happening in the US, but all around the world.  Teen Dating Violence is NOT being taken as seriously as it truly needs to be, for it's a pre-cursor to Domestic Violence.  If we can only get them while they are young!

In this article, it shares that there's ONLY 2 states in the ENTIRE US that have taken the steps to increase risk prevention in teens by going to legal lengths.

Two states in the entire United States of America, Texas and Rhode Island, have taken the steps to increase risk prevention in this vulnerable group of teenagers by going to legal lengths such as implementing policies that address Teen Dating Violence, even requiring that it be taught at certain grade levels. New York is beginning to realize the serious problem for teenagers and has finally expanded its laws to allow teens in abusive relationships to obtain restraining orders in family courts instead of from the long and drawn out criminal justice system.

HELLO OUT THERE!!!  Is anyone seeing a problem with this????

Too many teens are suffering, too many are dying because they don't have the help and support needed.  Too many are then getting into Domestic Violence relationships because they don't have the support or the Empowerment to know that they can have better!  Too many signs are not being seen, and too many parents are out there trying to protect their children without the help from a system that continues to be blind to their needs. 

Again, read through this article, I know that it's for a week of awareness for the teens there, but there's a lot of good information in there that I feel can be used anywhere. 

What steps will you take where you live to help protect the teens that are at risk in your area?  What will it take for you to open up your blind eyes and to take part in being part of the solution?

Original Article

SPIKE IN DOMESTIC VIOLENCE TRIGGERS NEW SCHOOL PROGRAM

I am very glad to see a school stepping up and educating students in domestic violence, abuse and dating violence and abuse. These are things that our children need to know!!

Let's just hope this catches on and other states pick this up soon and run with it!!


Original Article here: NBC40.net :: News:

Phaedra Laird ( plaird@nbc40.net ) - 9/9/08 03:51 pm

Last Updated - 9/9/08 06:34 pm

"MILLVILLE--After three apparent domestic related shootings in Cumberland County just within the past month, local schools are getting involved to try and combat the staggering statistic. It's a real life education that teachers hope their students are quick to learn.

School's back in session and this year there's a new subject for kids at Millville's Lakeside Middle School. The program is called Safe Dating, and during health classes students will learn what it means to be in a healthy relationship. 'The goals of safe dates are to cover positive relationships,' said Family Life Teacher, Stacey Trimble, 'what constitutes a healthy relationship, what constitutes a negative relationship. We're also going to talk about abuse.'

'These issues are skyrocketing,' said Principal Tom Denning. In the past month, a domestic murder suicide type incident has taken place in Millville, Vineland, and just yesterday in Bridgeton. With the rising level of domestic violence, school officials say they need to do everything they can to try and combat the problem. 'It needs to be addressed and where else could it be addressed than the education system?'

The program was made possible through a $300,000 grant awarded to the city by the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation's New Jersey Health Initiatives program. 'It was a blessing,' said Denning, 'it's just another resource to help kids."

Judge's ruling on restraining orders draws concern -- Newsday.com

 State Superior Court Judge Francis B. Schultz found that some elements of the 17-year-old law are unconstitutional. Among them: a low threshold of evidence _ just a "preponderance" _ to get a restraining order violates due process protections. Instead, judges need "clear and convincing" evidence to issue a restraining order, Schultz said....Judge's ruling on restraining orders draws concern -- Newsday.com

 

del.icio.us Tags: abuse,awareness,dating-violence,domestic-violence,dv,dv-law,Judge-Francis-Schultz,new-jersey,state-superior-court,nj,violence,victims,prevention

Remembering Jana Mackey

July 10, 2008

Jana Mackey, Kansas NOW activist, was found dead in the home of her ex-boyfriend in Lawrence, Kan. on July 3. She was a former Kansas NOW lobbyist and co-president of the Lawrence chapter of KS NOW. She was attending KU Law school, and was working as a volunteer advocate at the GaDuGi Safe House helping victims of sexual assault. It appears she was the ultimate victim of a sad and senseless crime. "She was a remarkable young woman and a devoted advocate of women's rights. She will be greatly missed," said Gina Austin-Fresh, National NOW Board member.

"Jana was a daily inspiration. She worked so hard to ensure the women of Kansas would know a better future. We have truly lost a champion. The world is truly dimmer without her." said Marla Patrick the State Coordinator of KS NOW.

≈

Any NOW member who would like to reach out to Jana Mackey's family can write to:

Email: coordinator@ksnow.org
Postal:
Christi Brungardt family
c/o KS NOW
Box 286
Lindsborg, KS 67456

NOW Home | Send to a Friend | Unsubscribe / Edit Profile

Dating Violence

"Lawmakers approved more protection for victims of dating violence. A bill to extend some of the safety provisions offered to victims of domestic violence to victims of dating violence was approved by both chambers.
If signed into law police could immediately seek out and arrest an abusive dater, with probable cause.
Victims of dating violence would also have access to the same counseling offered to domestic abuse victims. Bill sponsor Kurt Kelly says while the bill will offer some protection, more needs to be done.
“We need to have a conversation about dating violence and the way we have a dating relationship. Dating violence is a symptom of a bigger problem, that’s happening here in our nation, and I think this is a conversation were going to have.”
Kelly hopes to have that conversation very soon with Governor Charlie Crist who is expected to sign the legislation." Dating Violence

UAADV Groups

UAADV has several peer-support groups that you may interested in.  Below you will find the group names, with a description and link to find out more info or to join each group.  If you have any questions or are not sure which group may be the right one for you please email UAADV.Founder@gmail.com or UAADV.National@gmail.com

AbusedApplyHere (AAH):  a group for Domestic Violence Victims, Survivors, and Advocates that are working together to not only offer each other support, but to do something to help end DV.



Click to join AbusedApplyHere

UAADV Advocates:  a group for all of the Domestic Violence Advocates as well as Survivors, family members, and friends to come together and work towards DV Awareness and Prevention. This group is member only and is fully moderated.



Click to join uaadvadvocates


UAADV Faith Outreach (FO):  a group for DV survivors to help reconnect you to your past beliefs or to find new ones.  Sometimes as a part of our healing process we feel the need to get back intouch with the faith and beliefs that we had prior to our abuse.
We are not attempting to change anyone's thoughts of religion but to provide answers to questions that may help you in your journey of reconnecting to your God. We welcome all religious beliefs. And, ask only that you talk with respect for others that may not agree with you. We do not wish for this to become a place where we put people down for their feelings, but a place where we can share our feelings, and our knowledge to help each of us get to the next step in our faith.



Click to join uaadvfaithoutreach


Angel's Outreach Ministries (AOM):  This is a Non-Denominational Christian Outreach peer-support Group for Victims and Survivors, for Women, and for Teens; that have lost their faith in God due to abuses suffered.  This group is separate from our DV Survivors Group in that here we can openly talk about our faith in Jesus, not have to worry about who we may offend in doing so. We are not here to judge, we are not here to stuff our own beliefs down anyone else's throat, but we are here to share,grow and heal in our faith.



Click to join angelsoutreachministries


Wings of Hope-Crafty Angels (WOHCA):  a group of crafty people who wish to assist victims of Domestic Violence with our handmade items.





Click to join wings_of_hope_crafty_angels

Social Networking:  We also have a social network set up for UAADV using the Ning platform.  It is comparable to Facebook, Myspace, etc.  We do screen members for the network to attempt to make it safer for victims, survivors and advocates alike.  You can set up your personal profile page, join the forum discussions and groups as well as interact with other victims, survivors or advocates to share resources and gain general peer support.  Please go to:   http://uaadvnetwork.ning.com/  to request membership.