2004 We Remember is now up!!!

2004 We Remember is now up and ready to go!  More will be added to it as soon as we can get the information together to get up.

Please, take some time and go through the names and post to the pages in a message to let the families of those that we have lost know that we have not forgotten them!

If you have any loved ones that you would like added to this list, please email us so that we can add them!  And of course, if any corrections need to be made to any of the pages, or additions of information and/or pictures, please feel free to contact us at any time!

Domestic violence fair to give voice to Missouri victims

Mark May 1st on your calendars and go out and help support this event or gain the knowledge that is needed! Silent Witness red life-size silhouettes of women will be on display for this event.

Domestic violence fair to give voice to Missouri victims

Normandy (Mo.) police Officer Amanda Cates was shot to death in August 2006 at the hands of her boyfriend. Since then, the number of Missouri residents that have been the victims of domestic homicide continued to grow.

University of Missouri–St. Louis students have set out to bring awareness to this growing epidemic and tell the stories of those unable to do so themselves. “The Silent Witness Initiative Domestic Violence Fair” will begin at 2 p.m. May 1 in Century Room C at the Millennium Student Center on UMSL’s North Campus. Students in the Violence Against Women class of Kristin Carbone-Lopez, assistant professor of criminology and criminal justice at UMSL, will present the stories of several women killed at the hands of their partners over the last year in Missouri.

Family members of Amanda Cates also will speak about her story. Biographies of each victim will be recorded and added to the Silent Witness National Initiativeand accompany red life-size silhouettes of women which will be on display in the Millennium Student Center. The silhouettes are on loan from the National Council of Jewish Women.

UMSL counseling and local organizations will be on hand to provide information about domestic violence and assistance. Refreshments will be provided.

The event is free and open to the public. It’s sponsored by UMSL’s Department of Criminology and Criminal Justice, Gender Studies Program, The Current, Criminology and Criminal Justice Graduate Student Association, Police Department, Health Wellness and Counseling Services and Center for Teaching and Learning.

How to Help a Friend: Cash Raised for Woman in Custody Fight

Many of us sit and ponder how can we help a friend that is going through a situation like the one described below.  What her friends did for her is a good place to start if you know someone going through a bad custody case.  Parents facing this, especially when having to fight an abuser for custody, still need the emotional understanding and support of their friends and family; however they need some financial help to pay for the lawyers and visits and and and as well.

 

Cash raised for woman in custody fight

Updated: Sunday, 11 Mar 2012, 12:22 PM CDT
Published : Sunday, 11 Mar 2012, 12:22 PM CDT

• VIRGINIA BLACK,South Bend Tribune

VIRGINIA BLACK,South Bend Tribune - SOUTH BEND, Ind. (AP) — As Marla Theocharides has spent the last several days across the world fighting to spend time with her two children, friends back home have been quietly going about the business of helping her cope.

They are cheering her on over Facebook as she posts her setbacks, frustrations and occasional small victories in her lingering custody battle with her ex-husband, Charis.

And, as Marla's own government apparently has been able to do little to intervene on her behalf, friends back home are rallying behind her in trying to help raise money for what has become a phenomenally expensive proposition.

Marla filed for divorce in the United States in 2010, and a local judge claimed jurisdiction and awarded custody to Marla last summer. But Charis, who had the couple's two young children with him in Cyprus, won custody in a family court in Cyprus.

The result has been two attorneys, representing each side, arguing the case in each country. Cypriot court officials, who resisted efforts to resolve the jurisdictional debate with local authorities, have dragged their feet in furthering the custody case there.

So in addition to mounting legal fees, occasional trips to Cyprus to see her children have added to the costs for Marla, who manages a local dental office.

Two friends, Lori Cunningham and Leslie Kleppe, offered to step in and help Marla defray some of those costs.

Cunningham said last week that Marla was initially skeptical when she broached the topic.

Cunningham, who had worked locally with Charis, persuaded Marla that a fundraiser could work.

"Things have just come together in the last couple of months," she said, noting that the owner of the venue has donated everything but the cost of alcohol and the licensed bartending, and other businesses have eagerly donated items to be sold or raffled at the event. "She's really herself starting to see how this could work."

Cunningham has followed Marla's custody case through earlier Tribune articles and, now, her Facebook posts.

"No parent wants to imagine going through what she's going through and losing their children," Cunningham said. "I am amazed at the things (Charis) is constantly able to do."

As the plans have been coming together to help her financially back home, Marla said she's still repeatedly appealing to local government representatives, media in Cyprus and whatever offices she can think of.

Yet progress has been slow and sometimes nearly nonexistent.

For example, Marla posted this online status update Monday:

"Day 4 in Cyprus. Went to court and we had a meeting in the judge's chambers. I was not allowed inside. The court is allowing me to see my children for 1.5 hours today at Charis' mother's home supervised by his parents and him! I lost it. This is a human rights issue. No mother should be prevented from seeing her children for 14 months and have to have a 1.5 hour supervised visitation!!!!"

On Wednesday:

"Day 6, found out the Charis illegally obtained Cypriot passports for both children without my consent and without my signature. Visited the passport office ... When I asked how this happened, they replied, it is Cyprus. No other explanation was given. Meetings with attorneys all day! I am told that I will not see the children again. Charis is not allowing it. We went to court for a court order and the soonest they can see us is on March 23, but I leave on March 11."

From Thursday:

"Thank you for all the messages and prayers! Keep them coming, that's what keep me going."

From Friday:

"Had court today and the judge put pressure on the welfare department to finish the report as soon as possible. We have court again on March 23 for a status update ... I will not be in Cyprus for that court hearing. Had an interview with Cyprus Mail, they are doing a story about my case. ... finally we had our last visit with the kids. It was emotional to say goodbye."

Marla, who has been arrested and jailed in her quest to visit 6-year-old Katerina and 2-year-old Marcus, insists she won't give up. But it's still difficult.

"I need the power of prayer!" she wrote Feb. 28. "Please pray for my safety as I travel to Cyprus. Please pray that I am able to have my children with me and spend time with them!"

___

Information from: South Bend Tribune, http://www.southbendtribune.com

Copyright Associated Press, Copyright 2012 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

Abuse of moms may stunt kid's growth | Health | Reuters

 http://www.reuters.com/article/healthNews/idUSTRE59L4WJ20091022

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Children of abused mothers may be smaller at birth and show stunted early growth, according to research from Bangladesh.

Prior studies have shown that physical and sexual violence against women is associated with low birth weight of the offspring, as well as with an increased risk of early infant death.

To investigate further, Dr. Kajsa Asling-Monemi, at Uppsala University in Sweden, and colleagues determined the birth weight of 3,164 children and followed their early growth patterns until they were 2 years old.

Their mothers -- 4,436 altogether -- were mostly married and not employed. They were 26 years old on average at the start of the study.

Half of the mothers reported being a victim of some sort of family violence during their lives.

Fourteen percent experienced physical violence that involved slapping or shoving and 8 percent suffered more severe violence such as hitting, kicking, dragging, or choking. Eight percent of the women experienced severe violence while pregnant.

Additionally, 24 percent of the women reported some sort of sexual abuse, and another 28 percent said they had been insulted, humiliated, intimidated, or experienced other emotional abuse.

At birth, the children in the study weighed 2701 grams (about 6 pounds), on average. Overall, 33 percent were considered low birth weight, weighing less than 2500 grams (5.5 pounds) at birth. Children born to mothers reporting any type of violence tended to be in this low birth weight group.

Among children born to mothers reporting any violence, nearly 42 percent were underweight, about 13 percent were undernourished, and more than 55 percent had an impaired growth pattern known as stunting by the age of 2 years.

By contrast, among children of non-abused mothers, 37 percent were underweight, about 11 percent were undernourished, and almost 50 percent were stunted.

The association between mothers' abuse and impaired growth of their children remained strong after the investigators allowed for mother's education, number of previous births, and religion (Hindu mothers tended to have children who weighed less and were of shorter length than Muslim mothers).

Though most of the size differences between children born to abused, versus non-abused, mothers is present at birth, these findings show "violence-related growth retardation became more pronounced during the 2 years of follow up," Asling-Monemi and co-investigators point out in the Archives of Disease in Childhood.

This study, they conclude, adds to the "multitude of confirmed and plausible health consequences" caused by violence against women.

SOURCE: Archives of Disease in Childhood, October 2009

Abuse of moms may stunt kid's growth | Health | Reuters

California's GOP vote-boycott ends, key bills pass

 

Squabbles -- both between and within the parties -- are set aside as senators unanimously vote to restore domestic violence funding and make it easier for localities to borrow money.

Reporting from Sacramento - Setting aside political squabbles, Senate Republicans lifted their blockade on several budget bills Wednesday, voting with Democrats to approve measures that restore funding cut from domestic violence shelters and help cities and counties borrow money to balance their budgets.
Republican lawmakers had refused last month to help muster the necessary two-thirds vote for two dozen pieces of legislation in a dispute over unrelated matters.
"We've resolved the issues and we're moving forward," Senate minority leader Dennis Hollingsworth of Murrieta said after Wednesday's vote.
Lawmakers said they hope to carry the new bipartisanship into negotiations over a plan to upgrade California's water system. The Senate on Wednesday gaveled in special sessions on water and tax reform.
Senators voted unanimously to approve a measure restoring $16 million cut from the budget for 94 domestic violence shelters, forcing half a dozen shelters to close and others to reduce their services.
"We have put more families at risk," Sen. Leland Yee (D-San Francisco) said of the cuts. "When shelters close down, lives are at stake."
The spat between the two parties was not the only one that affected SB3X 13. The Democratic leadership stripped Yee's authorship of the bill... Read more here:  California's GOP vote-boycott ends, key bills pass -- latimes.com

Abusers Use the Court System to Continue Victimization

This is a copy of the speech written by Gail Lakritz and given today by Angela Warren at the Pueblo Colorado Conference. This speech was given to judges, police, lawyers and DV advocates.

How Abusers Use The Court System To Continue to Victimize Their Partners and Children

When a woman finally makes that decision to end the abuse and to flee the abusive situation, she rightfully expects that the police, her lawyers and the courts will protect her and her children from further harm. Being a member of the Sheriff's Posse, that is what I was thought. After all, the courts always operate solely by the law, correct? (Scan audience for nods of agreement) We all know that does not happen and that is why I was so confused by my litigation. When injustice reared its ugly head, it flew in the face of everything I thought our country stood for, and, as with most victims of abuse, I came to realize that the system is stacked against the victim.

Today, I want to speak to you about some of the ways the abuser will use the system to further the abuse during the litigation process. It is my hope that, by exposing these tactics, you will recognize in your peers, and perhaps yourselves, what is being done has real, and all too often, deadly consequences.

The litigation abuse begins the moment the abuser is arrested. He plays on the sympathy of the arresting officers. He will use excuses to enlist them in his game. He is, after all, a master at deception. He has years of practice. He is the person who can look you straight in the eye and lie. During the ride to the lock up, he will say things like "She is an alcoholic or a drug addict", "She is always picking on the kids" or "She takes all the money and spends it on herself and we never have enough to eat." Anything that will garner sympathy and sway them to lessen the severity of what is written in the arrest report. And, being taught to spot the antagonist of a situation as they true perpetrator of the situation, the police officer, who is generally male, will empathize with the abuser, and slant his report to favor the abuser. He will ignore what he has been taught, that the victim is most often the one who is hysterical and angry at having been attacked and side with the often calm and rational sounding architect of the situation. And the abuser has gained his first needed corner stone to further the abuse, for in the future, any calls to 911 will be met with skepticism by the police and all future reports of violence will be seen as insane acts by the actual victim.

During the booking process and his appearance for arraignment, when the victim is not present to hear what is being said to the magistrate, he will again repeat his reasons for the attack. Laying the blame on the victim. Now he has widened his circle of conspirators. Word will filter from these people to the Bailiff and on to the judge that there were "extenuating circumstances" that predicated the attack.

Now, as we all know, the key to any successful litigation is money. With money, comes the right lawyers and a venue that is considered to be the "home turf" for that lawyer. Abusers control the money, therefore, they can afford the lawyers who consider winning to be the sole measure of success, not the just application of the law.

In each court system in America, there are lawyers that are known to be the "dirty trick" lawyers. They are the ones who use often unethical and illegal means to deny the Constitutional Rights of a litigant and victim. They will look the other way, or outright encourage, the use of terror tactics against a victim. Judges and other lawyers within the local Bar Association know who these practitioners are will look the other way. In some court systems, judges will actually instruct new lawyers with "I don't care what you do in my courtroom so long as I am not investigated" leaving the avenue open for them to ply their brand of law in any manner they see fit. The idea is to win, not to be just. The abuser will seek out these lawyers, perhaps getting the name of one from a police officer or someone else in the system who just happens to be overheard talking or from another inmate in the lock up.

So now, the abuser has assembled his "dream team". The police, the dirty tricks lawyer and the complacent judge. What more could he ask for than to have swayed the system and set the victim up for further abuse? The abuser will get a slap on the wrist, be sent to Anger Management and, in some jurisdictions, have his record of abuse sealed. In Anger Management, the prep will learn new and better ways of abusing. He will learn to abuse without leaving the outward marks that would land him back in jail. He will hone his skills, through the knowledge passed on by other perpetrators attending these sessions. The things that worked for them will be shared in group in the form of "I reacted to the situation by...." You fill in the blank, as each and every one of you know the tactics, know how the pain can be caused both mentally and physically to a victim without leaving the marks or a trail of abuse.

The first thing the abuser will do after being released from jail is to widen his circle of allies. His dirty tricks lawyer has instructed him to get out in front of his victim, and being the superior liar that he is, he is only too willing to accommodate. Generally, abusers are loners, having few friends and having disassociated themselves from family. He has allowed only minimal if any contact between his victim and her family. He will suddenly become the "social butterfly" contacting people to enlist their help, always with the story of having been the victim in the situation. Neighbors that were shunned by him in the past are now become his confidants. Whispers of abuse by the victim are passed from one person to another. This serves two purposes. It provides a support system for the abuser as well as removing any hope of support for the victim.

The next step to the tried and true method of using the system to abuse is to make the victim seem insane to the system. The abuser or one of his allies will begin the relentless process of attacks that are designed to discredit. Break-ins of the home of the victim are a common means as are well placed phone calls where the abuser uses threats, such as the victim never seeing her children again. An abuser will actually enlist the help of the unwitting child, promising rewards of gifts or, if teenagers, no boundaries to live by. The abuser will reward the child for such things as removing evidence against the abuser from the victims home, lying to police or being complacent about what was witnessed in an incident. Often, no system of reward is needed. It is fear of the abuser, that places the child in the unenviable situation of having to lie. The child senses what will cause the wrath of the abuser to rise against them. If you come away from this presentation with anything, this is the one piece of information I hope you retain. The cycle of abuse is learned and continued by this one tactic alone, using the children as tools of abuse. Any person within the system who even suggests that the abuser use this tactic is guilty of nothing less than murder. (Scan the audience to see who is squirming or looks disinterested and focus your eyes on them for a split second. They are a guilty party.)

Police, having been repeatedly told that the victim is insane, will respond to such things as break-ins as a sign that the abuser is correct in his assessment of the victim. All too often, the abuser will leave something that informs the victim he was there, but at the point in time that the police are called, the victim will not know what is missing, if anything. Sometimes the victim will find veiled death threats, a picture that only the victim and her abuser knows the meaning of, a cartoon left on the computer screen, that is meant to frighten and intimidate. A tire will be slashed when her car is hidden from public view, mementos that have little or no monetary value will be missing. Reporting these incidents to the police enforce the abuser's position. And, when the victim turns to her lawyer for help, if she has one, she is told to ignore all violations of her home and person. You see, it takes two lawyers to execute a well choreographed legal Tango, and by this time, the repeated calls to the police by the victim, the well placed lies by the perpetrator, and, with the assistance of the complacent judge, her lawyer has been won over to not assist in any meaningful manner. Thus the victim is turned into the abuser and seen only as a source of possible revenue for her own lawyer who will offer little if any assistance in seeing that justice is blind, not blinded by gold. ( Pick out a person you have predetermined to be guilty and look directly at them)

During the actual litigation process, there will be a number of players that will be easily swayed by the events that have lead up to this process. GALs and CLRs are swayed by having contact with the abuser and his ever growing stable of allies, lawyers, police and judges. If the children are afraid of the abuser, they dare not say anything to these people that would endanger themselves. Social workers, mental health professionals, even medical doctors who rely on the system for income will not oppose the well built facade of the abuser and his well scripted theater of abuse.

At this point, I would like to see a show of hands. How many of you are judges? Please raise your hands. Keep your hands raised, please. How many are police officers? Keep your hands raised, please. How many of you are lawyers who represent abuse victims exclusively? Good, now if you could all stand up and look around. Do you recognize people from your own court systems in this room? Isn't it nice to know that some of the people who are not standing could, and I emphasis the word could, be manipulating you? (Pause for about 10 seconds) Thank you, you may all be seated.

How do the dirty tricks lawyers actually manipulate? First, talk is cheap, and the dirty tricks lawyer and his client never seem to run out of voice. They will take every chance to influence the judge and the opposition lawyer if there is one, the GAL and CLR, the therapist and mental health evaluator , the social worker, shelter workers and people in the Court Clerk's office. Ex parte is common and rampant in any court system. It can't be stopped unless you, the judges, choose to stop it. A few well placed words prior to the opening of court, the happened, but planned, introduction of the abuser to you prior to proceedings so that you can see how likeable this person is and to get his side, again getting out ahead of the opposition in the litigation. Tools used to put a human face on an inhuman act of violence.

During the early stages of the litigation, the dirty tricks lawyer and an abuser will go for the "all or nothing" approach to a custody question. The abuser, and his lawyer, being confident in the groundwork they have already laid, will not present a parenting plan. They will often seek to move out of the jurisdiction, often so far away from the abused, as to effectively terminate all parental rights. The abused, on the other hand will present a generous plan which will include more time with the abuser than a court would normally mandate. The judge, being the Solomon of the court, knows he cannot split a child down the middle, will have to award temporary custody to one parent or another, and this is usually to the person who already has "possession" of the child at the time of the hearing. (make the hand sign for quotes when you say the word possession). If the victim was forced to flee without the child, or if the child happens to be visiting the abuser at the time of the hearing, guess who gets the temporary custody? Yup, the abuser.

This is the beginning of the motions process. The abuser's lawyer will file motions with the court, often filing them back to back, and always asking for contempt sanctions against the victim. If the victim is unrepresented, this confuses and terrorizes her. If she is one of the fortunate ones, one of the women who was able to afford a lawyer, and motions and subpoenas are filed on her behalf, they are ignored by the dirty tricks lawyer. In the meantime, if she is Pro Se, her filings are ignored by the clerk's office or disappear all together. It never ceases to amaze me how often victims report missing filings, even whole files of proceedings that have gone missing. I can only surmise how it could happen, all of which violate state law. When she asks for a subpoena which must go through the courts for approval, the subpoena that is received for service contains errors made by the person who entered it into the system, precluding the effectiveness of that subpoena. These errors would only be obvious to a trained lawyer, thereby giving the dirty tricks lawyer a reason to quash.

The motions process will offer more ample opportunities for the dirty tricks lawyer to ply his trade. He will mail important filings to the wrong address, often transposing the actual numbers, to prevent receipt in time for rebuttal. He will refuse to accept mail from the Pro Se and then claim that it was not sent to him. He will state a date and time verbally, but put another date and time in writing, often bolding it to attract attention to the erroneous information. He will send a copy of a minor issue in a motion, with proof of mailing, and have a second copy hand served. The problem with this is that he has actually filed two separate motions with the court, one of paramount importance and the one of minor importance. He will then have proof of two separate deliveries to the victim and state that the one hand served was in reference to the major issue while the one mailed was in reference to the minor issue. Of course, he will blame all of this on the victim. She gave me the wrong address, I never got it, she was served and I have the proof.

Depositions are an extremely useful tool for the trickster. Though most states follow the rules of the Federal Courts for deposition, tricksters do not. As all lawyers know, the only time depositions should be used is when information cannot be gotten by subpoena. The dirty tricks lawyer will force deposition to make the victim face her abuser in an environment controlled by the trickster. One deposition trick will be to inform the pro se that a date and time for a deposition of his client has been set. He will send a list of questions to be asked, and state that the deposition will be limited to these questions. This offers the opportunity to pound the Pro Se with intimidation and terrorist tactics of threats. It also forces the Pro Se into setting up a second deposition of her own. Not knowing that it is not required to submit questions in advance, the Pro Se will dutifully submit the entire list of questions to the trickster, giving him time to concoct answers that would favor him. And lest the abuser make a mistake, there is nothing to worry about. The Court Reporter in attendance is one favored by the lawyer. One only need to Google the search term "Changed Transcripts" to confirm this is a common practice. The number of hits are well in excess of 7,000,000.

Proffers are useful when it comes to the dirty tricks lawyer. It is not uncommon for them to submit Proffers to the Pro Se that are never filed with the courts. These are filled with the lies that the abuser intends on in court and are designed to see which arguments are going to be used to counteract the lies in court.

Surprise witnesses are the life blood of the trickster. No subpoena has been issued to these people to appear, but they just happen to be in the area when the court date came up. Judges have a duty to curtail the use of these convenient witnesses, but seldom do, preferring to overrule objections. Often, they are nothing more than hired guns for the defense, parroting whatever the trickster wants them to say. There is often no rebuttal for their testimony, as the Pro Se or her lawyer had no time to prepare for their appearance.

Witness tampering is blatantly illegal but used by the dirty trick lawyer and his client at every turn. All that is needed is for the potential witness to be mislead with a story of the victim being the true abuser, and after all, if they testify, they would be putting the children, and perhaps themselves, in danger. Surely, anyone in their right mind would not want to testify under these circumstances, given that few people are willing to testify in the first place. If that doesn't work, there is intimidation of the witness. Most people have something in their backgrounds they would prefer no one find out. The dirty tricks lawyer is a master at using innuendo and sources like police, family and acquaintances to find that one skeleton. If that doesn't work, there is always the avenue of the witness's employer. Innuendo can be placed in letters to the employer from the lawyer stating that this or that has never been cleared.

In his bag, the dirty trick lawyer and his client rely on the assistance of Child Protective Services. If a direct call from his client does not produce the desired response, there is always the "innocent and disconnected" third party report. These reports can vary from the upper end of sexual abuse or exploitation of the child to reports that the mother is furnishing drugs to the child to such things as a child being left alone. In one case I know of, the GAL was talked into calling CPS when a teenage boy overdosed. What the GAL forgot to report was that the 15 year old had arrived from his father's home with a plastic bag full of pills, and when the mother discovered them, he grabbed them and downed them in an attempt to get rid of the evidence. The same mother was accused of leaving the than 16 year old alone for two hours by the same GAL. Again the GAL left out a very important fact. The child was at the home of a friend.

Court orders are often altered to reflect what the attorney and abuser wants. One mother, while living here in Colorado heard a knock on her door one day. The father, who had never once exercised his visitation, had moved five years previously to Washington state. He went to the local Colorado police with an altered court order for full custody of the son, than 7 years old. No one questioned the validity of the order, in fact, the police were only too willing to help him in removing the child from the mother. She never saw her son again. She was able to locate him last year in a suburb of Seattle, but now 20, he has had it drilled into his head that she wanted nothing to do with him and had willing given him up.

If all else fails, there is always the use of Parental Alienation to fall back on. Dr. Richard Gardner, using no identifiable research and much to the consternation of all recognized authorities, first placed this Syndrome in the minds of the courts to discredit mothers and to help men save on alimony and child support payments. We are all familiar with the theory that states that the mother is toxic to the relationship between the father and his children and that the only true cure for this toxicity is to severely limit visitation or to remove it all together. Abusers and their attorneys love to use PAS. It is one of the most effective forms of abuse of the victim.

Through all the court abuse, and I have only touched on some of the verifiable things that women suffer in the courtroom, there is a continued onslaught from the abuser. Stalking, break-ins, destruction of property and threats of further harm to the victim are normal. Checks for alimony or child support that are never received are also widely reported. Harassment is an ongoing problem to the victim. Planting seeds of doubt of a mother's love for her child in the child's mind, any avenue an abuser can think of will be used.

All of this for one objective, to carry on the abuse. And, the players in the courtroom are all aiders and abettors to that abuse, whether they realize it or not. The crimes we allow these people to get away with are crimes that are punishable by law, and by each and every one of you allowing them to be predicated on victims of violence, you are taking part in those crimes.

Now, as one last thing, I would like some of you to take part in a fun little exercise to reinforce some of what you have heard here today. I would ask that every judge in the audience stand up and glace around the room. I want you to pick out a person here that you do not know and walk over to them and without saying a word, I want you to grasp their hand and shake it. (Wait for them to do this)

Now, again without giving this person your name, I want you to whisper in their ear the year, color and make and model of the car your closest loved one drives. Now, I want you, without giving the city or town you live in, to tell them the street address of that person. Good. You have just given someone who may be a trickster lawyer or an abuser all the information they need. You have just put your loved one in danger, possibly signing that their death warrant. Think about it and try to have a nice day.

Nov 2009 DV Blog Carnival- How does DV effect children - anonymiss

Copied from Anonymiss 

Nov 2009 DV Blog Carnival- How does DV effect children

Posted October 8, 2009

The Domestic Violence Blog Carnival that we set up is now accepting article submissions for the edition that will be posted on November 2nd 2009.

This editions theme is The Effects of Domestic Violence on Children.  To submit an article please visit the submission page:  http://blogcarnival.com/bc/submit_8381.html.  The November edition will be hosted here at Anonymiss.

To view last months edition please visit the UAADV News Blog Domestic Violence Blog Carnival October 2009

If you have a suggestion for an upcoming theme or would like to host the blog carnival for an upcoming month, please send an email to: contactanonymiss@gmail.com with your suggestoins.

Nov 2009 DV Blog Carnival- How does DV effect children - anonymiss

The Allstate Foundation and Tell a Gal P.A.L

The Allstate Foundation is once again running Tell a Gal P.A.L and ClickToEmpower.org  The Allstate Foundation supports survivors through resources targeted to build financial independence and educates the public on how hard it is for people to leave an abusive relationship without economic resources.
SHARE YOUR STORY
Readers can share stories of overcoming domestic violence or helping a “gal pal” in need at ClickToEmpower.org. Readers who submit stories can enter to receive a limited edition Tell a Gal P.A.L. t-shirt as worn by Mira Sorvino on the Web site.  Share Your Story

DONATE A SUIT (Sep. 28-Oct. 9)
Domestic violence survivors often find themselves with limited means to get back into the workforce and attain financial security. The Allstate Foundation is encouraging Americans to drop off nearly new women’s business suits to benefit survivors from September 28 to October 9 at select Allstate locations across the country. Donated suits will be given to local domestic violence organizations and Dress for Success affiliates to outfit domestic violence survivors with confidence as they enter or re-enter the workforce.  Donation Site Search

Domestic Violence Awareness Month Blog Carnival

Hi All, we have been honored by Anonymiss to kick off their new domestic violence blog carnival by hosting the first edition of the carnival.

The first edition will be posted here on October 1st, 2009.  This edition will cover everything relating to Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM).  So, to kick of your DVAM activities, please make sure to come back and read the carnival on the 1st!

If you have an article about DVAM general information or activities that you would like to submit we are accepting submissions until the 30th of September 2009.  You can get more guidance or submit your article HERE, or you can email a permalink to your article with a brief description to UAADV.National@gmail.com

If you are wondering what a blog carnival is, you can go HERE, and read about it.  If you would like more specifics about the Domestic Violence Blog Carnival go HERE.  If you would like to submit an article visit the carnival main link and then click submit an article in the upper right corner.  If you are having difficulties you can contact the carnival organizer by either using the links provided or directly at contactanonymiss@gmail.com

Please share this post with anyone that you know that would either have an article for submission or those that may benefit from reading the DVAM edition post on the 1st.   

DV Survivor Speaks out

All women and teen girls need to watch this short news clip!  Please pass on to any female you know.  With Domestic Violence Awareness Month right around the corner this is the perfect time to share this story with all that you know. 
A North Idaho woman, Rose Turner, nearly killed in a shootout with her estranged husband, Rick Turner, is now speaking out to about her personal experience with domestic violence as a warning to others.

Where is your purple gonna be?

I usually dye my hair purple for Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM) which is October, and I choose purple because that is the awareness color of Domestic Violence (DV).  People always stop me in public and ask me why my hair is purple; cause I do NOT look the type you’d think would normally have purple hair.  When they ask, I get the chance to tell them!!  Others aren’t so pushy with it and just hang purple lights around their house or purple ribbons on their cars.

Each year around this time I try to write up something about DVAM being just around the corner.  I like to make people aware of this month to encourage them to get involved in activities in their local areas.  Now is the time to start looking into what activities the DV agencies are hosting during the month of October, so that you can plan and won’t miss the event you want to attend or help with.

I feel that as a society we should be ‘aware’ of domestic violence year round.  However, I also realize that by setting aside a certain month to view a certain issue gives us time to focus on and process the information we receive during that specific month.  I encourage everyone to become involved in community programs through out the year, which are focused on preventing DV.

If you are not already involved in your local community or surrounding area with helping in the areas of DV Awareness and/or prevention, or helping the victims of DV then the following may be some ways in which you can get involved.  This is a general list to give you ideas.  If you would like more specific options on how you can help, please contact your local DV Shelter or State Domestic Violence Coalition.

Here is the post that I posted last year and I feel it still works, so I’m giving it to ya again!

So... I get asked: "Great, you tell me to help DV victims during awareness month, but how am I supposed to do that when I have never even met a DV victim?"

There are many people that would be more than willing to do something during Domestic Violence Awareness Month, however they just aren't sure what to do, or where or when or how...

This list is copied from this ARTICLE.  

In your place of worship
1. Encourage information about domestic abuse in the congregation's programs, youth groups, marriage preparation, study groups, etc.
2. Establish a committee to promote awareness of the problem and how the congregation can help.
3. Organize a drive to collect food, toiletries, household goods and other needed items for a local domestic violence service.

In your workplace
4. Display posters or brochures (in break rooms, restrooms, or meeting rooms) to promote awareness of domestic abuse and how to get help.
5. Organize a Brown Bag lunch or other event for co-workers and invite a speaker to talk about solutions to the problem.
6. Ask what policies your employer has developed to keep employees safe from a domestic abuser who threatens the workplace.

In schools and daycare
7. Encourage the editor of the school newspaper to have a special issue about teen dating violence and partner abuse.
8. Write a paper about domestic violence to share with students.
9. Educate teachers and other staff about the connection between child abuse and partner abuse.

In civic organizations, clubs or neighborhoods
10. Invite a speaker to educate organization members about domestic violence.
11. Organize a fundraising event or food/toiletries drive to benefit a domestic violence service agency.
12. Publish information about domestic violence and available resources in the newsletter.
13. "Adopt" a family seeking independence from an abuser, to assist with practical needs.

As a Citizen
14. Ask your local library to stock books on domestic violence and to set up displays to educate the public about the issue.
15. Speak out against domestic abuse: Expressing your view that domestic violence is unacceptable has a powerful effect on changing the norms that support abuse.
16. Write letters to newspaper editors or send commentaries to TV and radio to help raise awareness about domestic violence.
17. Vote for public leaders who take a strong stand against domestic abuse.
18. Call 911 if you see or hear a crime of domestic abuse in progress. Write down license plate numbers, locations, and any other information that may be helpful to law enforcement.
19. Volunteer with a domestic violence service. Organizations need help with office activities, fund raising events, technical and professional services and assistance to clients.
20. Donate used clothing and household goods to a program that gives these vital items to families seeking independence from an abuser.
21. Participate in neighborhood crime watch programs.

Hang information flyers and/or awareness flyers in public restrooms, or anywhere else you think would they would be noticed. Now keep in mind that you don't have to stop doing some of this stuff after October!  By all means...continue your efforts throughout the year.

The more the merrier!

So in stating this, I implore all of you out there to stand up and do something for domestic violence victims not only in October, but throughout the year. Turn these victims into proud SURVIVORS!!! Give them some hope and some help. To borrow a phrase used quite often, give them a hand-up not a hand-out.

All of these are really general and will take some research, time and effort on your part.  But, the way I look at it is this...the time I take to do even one of these activities just may save someone's life.....so are a few minutes of your life worth the life of another?

Domestic violence victims have a "pre-existing condition"

5:03 PM Eastern - September 11, 2009  By Maria Tchijov
Insurance companies have used the excuse of "pre-existing conditions" to deny coverage to countless Americans. From cancer patients to the elderly suffering from arthritis, these organizations have padded their profit margins by limiting coverage to patients deemed "high risk" because of their medical condition.
But, in DC and nine other states, including Arkansas, Idaho, Mississippi, North Carolina, North Dakota, Oklahoma, South Carolina, South Dakota, and Wyoming, insurance companies have gone too far, claiming that "domestic violence victim" is also a pre-existing condition.
Words cannot describe the sheer inhumanity of this claim. It serves as yet further proof that our insurance system is broken, destroyed by the profit-mongering of the very companies who's sole purpose should be to provide Americans with access to care when they need it most. In 1994, an informal survey conducted by the Subcommittee on Crime and Criminal Justice of the United States Senate Judiciary Committee revealed that 8 of the 16 largest insurers in the country used domestic violence as a factor when decided whether to extend coverage and how much to charge if coverage was extended.
It is clear that insurance companies refuse to police themselves. It's up to us to call on Congress to take action now to pass health care reform and end discrimination against patients with pre-existing conditions.

SEIU - Service Employees International Union - Domestic violence victims have a "pre-existing condition"?

Violence UnSilenced

Do you feel like you are the only one in your situation?

OR

Do you want to share your story (even anonymously)?

OR

Are you a blogger that that writes/read domestic violence pieces?

If any of these apply to you then you should check out: Violence UnSilenced where you can read stories of survivors, share your own story, or take the pledge!

Violence, Abuse and Trauma Conference

The below is copied from:  http://www.ivatcenters.org/Conferences.htm if the links to the info below aren’t working here please visit their website to obtain the information you are looking for!

14th International Conference on Violence, Abuse and Trauma

September 21- 26, 2009
Town and Country Resort & Convention Center
San Diego, CA

CONFERENCE VENUE
Town and Country Resort & Convention Center
500 Hotel Circle North
San Diego, CA 92108
T: 619-291-7131   F: 619-291-3584

CLICK HERE TO REGISTER

QUESTIONS
IVAT Conferences
Institute on Violence, Abuse, and Trauma
10065 Old Grove Road San Diego, CA 92131
858-527-1860 ext. 4030 or ivatconf@alliant.edu

Save The Dates Flyer
Conference Program Booklet
Registration Information
Call for Submissions
Call for Posters Online Submission
Schedule at a Glance
Accommondation Information
Volunteer Opportunities
Sponsorship Opportunities
Collaborator Agreement
Exhibitor/Advertisement Application Volunteer Packet

http://www.ivatcenters.org/Conferences.htm

Preventing Abuse Conference

The 7^th Preventing Abuse conference, Helping Protect Women, Children, Families and the Nation from Human Trafficking, Child Abduction, Pornography and Internet Predators, will be held September 11–13, 2009 at the Irvine Hilton in CA. www.preventingabuse.org (866) 454-1776. Noreen Gosch will be a speaker.

For more information about this conference please go here:  http://www.preventingabuse.org/about.html

Conference Overview

1.  Geographic Focus

2.  Impact on America

3.  Examples of Areas Affected by Human Trafficking/Abduction of Women and Children.

1. Health care costs

2. Society and social values

3. Economic costs and impact on

4. Legal--resource drain, etc.

5. Social services and more

6. Victim, and Victim's Family

7. National Security

4.  The Demand:

Areas to be addressed relating to the demand:

1. Demographics of the customers and the perpetrators

2. What is the fuel of the kidnap and trafficking problem?

3. What role does the popular culture have?

4. How the entertainment industry can assist?

5. What role does pornography (hard-core and "soft-core") play?

6. The role terrorism.

7. The impact of the Internet.

5.  Legislative

6.  Law Enforcement

7.  Child Abduction Prevention:

8.  Rescue and Recovery

9.  The Reality of the Problem: The Responsibility to Act.

SCARED TO LEAVE AFRAID TO STAY

 

BARRY GOLDSTEIN, attorney, teacher, author and advocate for women abused by their partner (and too often the courts) has written a book for women seeking to leave their abusers and for their friends, family, supporters and advocates.  SCARED TO LEAVE AFRAID TO STAY Paths From Family Violence to Safety tells the story of ten women as they left their abusers seeking a better life.  The book shows in these abuse cases how courts handle legal issues such as orders of protection, custody, visitation, support, marital property and criminal prosecutions.  It tells about the resources available for women seeking to leave their abuser.  Click the links to learn more about the book, author or to view frequently asked questions (FAQs).  The book is published by Robert D. Reed Publishers and is available at book stores online and off. 

Website with more info:  BARRY GOLDSTEIN, J.D. Author of SCARED TO LEAVE AFRAID TO STAY

Poems by an abuse victim

A client of the Mid Central Community Action, Inc., Countering Domestic Violence program wrote three poems at three different times about her experiences. She included this message:
"I had always thought that I ws the type of person that would never enter into an abusive relationship. However, when I finally met someone who seemed to be the 'man of my dreams', I threw all caution aside and committed myself fully to this man.
Things seemed perfect for a while, but after several months he began to show little regard for my feelings. Initially, his emotional abuse was so subtle that I didn't even recognize what he was doing to me. However, whey my self-esteem reached an all time low, I recognized that it was time to get out.
That is when his abuse became physical. In addition to the physical blows, he began to terrorize me to the point that I truly believed that he was going to kill me. I finally decided to reach out for help.
My advocate at the Countering Domestic Violence was invaluable in helping me to understand that I needed an Order of Protection. However, little did I realize that getting out of the relationship was just the beginning of my journey.
Over the next few months, I became increasingly depressed. Even though I was utilizing the counseling services provided by the CDV and reading every book I could on domestic violence, I felt as if I would never heal from the emotional damage he had caused.
This is when I wrote the victim poem. When I read it to my advocate with Victim Services, she reminded me that I was more than a victim, that I was also a survivor. It was her words to me that inspired the second poem a couple of weeks later.
Thus began a turning point where I began to leave him behind and to work on getting myself better. The final poem was just recently written while I was preparing my story for this article and I realized that the two poems didn't tell the complete story. After many months of work, I finally feel that I have become well again. I believe that writing these poems has really helped me to assess and process the many emotions and issues I have had to deal with. I am certain that expressing this artistically is one of the catalysts that accelerated my healing.
Yet, none of this was done alone. Not only did I receive the support one would expect from friends and family, but it has been the kindness and generosity of those people who work with domestic violence victims within our community that has given me strength to see this through abnd renewed my faith that there are many loving, deecent people in this world."

---

Poem 1: 'What It Means To Be A Victim

I am the beast
Which you have lain upon the alter
An offering to an angry God
I am the one
Chosen for purity's sake
Whose throat will be slit
As my blood spills out
Ask yourself
Have you come closer to God?
Is God now happy?
As my blood runs down the street
Ask yourself
Can we now find peace?
Or must we come back to this alter?
Again and again
I am the one
That sacrificial beast

---

Poem 2: 'What It means To be A Survivor'

I have outlived
I have outlasted
I have remained alive
I am still here
As the waters recede
As the flames diminish
As the tremors subside
I am still here
Above the fray
Above all else
To rise like a phoenix
Above and beyond
Beyond belief
Beyond understanding
Beyond a reasonable doubt
Beyond your reach
I am still here
I have outlived
I have outlasted
I have remained alive

---

Poem 3: 'What It Means To Heal'

Hello
I'm back
Again
From that secret place
Curled up
Afraid
No terrified
Hidden in the dark
Watching
Waiting
Wondering
Will I ever be safe?
Shhhhh!
Don't breathe
Not a sound
Don't let him hear you
Just the pounding of my heart
Beat by beat
Pumping
Life
Slowly
The rhythm
Brings forth a song
Music
Oh, I want to dance
To sing
To move
These numb limbs of mine
I stir
I stretch
Release
Breathe
Tingling
I begin to move
To sway
To lift up my voice
What beauty
Is that really me?
Singing
Laughing
Unabashed
Uninhibited
Unafraid
So unlike before
So I dance
I sing
I love
Back again
08/06/09
Dedicated to Betsy

Original:  Poems by local abuse victim

Battered Woman Syndrome Key Elements

 

From Psychiatric Times:

July 7, 2009
Psychiatric Times. Vol. 26 No. 7

TRAUMA AND VIOLENCE

Battered Woman Syndrome Key Elements of a Diagnosis and Treatment Plan Lenore E. Walker, EdD, ABPP-CL & Fam

Women who are victims of intimate-partner violence have been identified by the mental health field for more than 30 years now.^1-3 It is understood that domestic violence is part of gender violence, and that many more women than men are the victims of physical, sexual, and psychological abuse.^4-6 Even when women strike back or engage in mutual violence, it is usually the woman who is most likely to be hurt—both physically and emotionally. Women who strike back in self-defense are often arrested along with the batterer.

It is further understood that gender violence is fostered by the socialization of men to be more powerful than women. In some men, this process creates the need to abuse power and to control women.⁵ While the term “victim” is not always considered politically correct, in fact, until battered women take back some control over their lives, they may not truly be considered survivors.⁷ Psychological symptoms, called battered woman syndrome (BWS), develop in some women and make it difficult for them to regain control. Mental health professionals have been able to assist these battered women with empowerment techniques and with accurate diagnosis and proper treatment, as described here.

BATTERED WOMAN SYNDROME

BWS has been identified as a subcategory of posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD).8 Although not all battered women meet all the DSM-IV-TR criteria for PTSD,⁹ a sufficient number do; thus, a form of trauma treatment is most helpful.¹⁰

Table 1 lists 6 groups of criteria that recently have been found to be part of BWS.⁸

DIAGNOSIS

A number of steps will help you obtain accurate information when you are interviewing a woman whom you believe may be abused by her intimate partner (Table 2).

Safety

Begin by speaking with the woman without her partner present (if they are still together) and together form a safety plan. This can be difficult because batterers often want to be present during the entire examination so they can directly or even subtly remind the woman not to disclose their secret. It is not uncommon to feel as if the man were in the interview—even if he is waiting outside.

For a woman in a battering relationship, the most dangerous time is when she and her partner are discussing or thinking about separation.^11,12 Even if the woman is no longer living with the batterer, she may not be safe. It is important to help her feel safer by making it clear that you will not take advantage of her. The clinician can set up boundaries between himself or herself and the woman by asking her permission to touch her, to write notes, and to discuss areas of confidentiality and privilege. Individual or group therapy rather than couples therapy is recommended, at least initially.

Validation

A battered woman needs to feel validated when she describes the abuse. This can be done by emphasizing the positive things she did to protect herself and her children if they were involved. Tell her that no matter what she may have done or said, no one deserves to be abused. Be careful not to ask or even intimate that she might have done something to provoke the batterer. Such questions will not create the rapport that facilitates empowerment—nor do they create a safe space for the woman.

Most battered women have been told of their faults over and over by the batterer. They also have experienced his jealousy, overpossessiveness, and attempts to isolate them from significant friends or family. They may need education about the impact of abuse on their physical as well as mental health.¹³

Therapy should emphasize the woman’s strengths so that she trusts herself and others again. Naming her a battered woman with BWS may help her accept that she is not “crazy” (as the batterer predicted her doctor would find).

Risk and assessment

It is important to do a risk assessment while also completing a mental status examination. Some battered women have other disorders in addition to PTSD and BWS.^7,8,13

To assess the risk of further abuse, ask the woman to describe the first abusive incident that she can remember, the worst or one of the worst episodes, the last abuse before she came to see you, and typical incidents. Such questioning usually elicits sufficient information to determine the level of lethality and risk that she faces. The patterns of violence depicted in the Figure can also be used to help you assess the level of danger.

TREATMENT
A plan

Negotiate a treatment plan with the woman. The Survivor Therapy Empowerment Program (STEP) has been used effectively with individual women as well as with groups (Table 3).⁸

It is important to assess the woman’s resilience in addition to the degree to which she reexperiences the abuse, her hypervigilance and arousal level, and her avoidance behaviors.¹⁴

Although gathering information about the woman’s childhood history is useful, it is probably not the first area to explore. While almost half of the women in our research sample of more than 400 battered women had experienced child abuse (usually sexual abuse by a father or stepfather), many of these women were not ready to discuss these traumatic experiences initially and often were more likely to reveal them as treatment progressed.⁸

In an earlier research project conducted by this author, women were asked about factors that made it more difficult for them to leave the abusive relationship.⁸ Mental illness and previous trauma were not specified by the women interviewed, although learned helplessness and drug abuse were factors that stood out as deterrents to finding safety from violence.

Women who have experienced multiple traumas may have relatively little resilience to deal with current trauma. This is an important clue to the psychotherapist to move slowly in the treatment plan, regardless of whether earlier trauma is discussed. Medication may be discussed with the woman when appropriate, but it is important for her to contribute to any decision so that she feels more in control of her life.

Most battered women respond to cognitive rather than affective techniques initially—although both areas eventually need to be part of the treatment plan. As cognitive clarity is developed, attention, concentration, and memory will be enhanced. A battered woman may be so anxious during the initial interview that she cannot remember much of what has been said. It can be helpful to provide her with a card that lists resources, such as the local shelter for battered women. Repetition of the areas discussed may be important, especially until the woman has regained attention and concentration.

It often helps to recommend that the woman engage in more and different types of activities with other people. Such activities can help her overcome some of the isolation and the power and control that the batterer holds over her. She needs to understand that she may still be in danger, even if her partner has completed a treatment program.¹⁵

OPTIONS FOR THERAPY

Treatment of PTSD and BWS includes a combination of feminist and trauma therapy.^8,16 The feminist therapy contribution acknowledges that psychotherapy is a relationship in which the formal power resides with both the therapist and the client.¹⁶ Acknowledgment of the situational factors that can be beyond a woman’s control (eg, the lack of equality in society between men and women) helps her accept that she still can attempt to change those factors that she can control.

Legal action may contribute to a woman’s sense of empowerment—especially if she is able to use domestic violence statutes in criminal or civil court to obtain a restraining or protective order, to cause the batterer to be arrested, and to get him into a batterer’s intervention program. Filing for divorce is also a stressful legal action in family court. When the batterer has financial resources, suing him for a personal injury tort might also be an empowering action, although it is difficult to spend the time and attention often necessary to win such a case.

Trauma therapy helps a woman understand that she is not “crazy” and that she is not the only one dealing with the psychological symptoms that come from exposure to trauma. Without the use of trauma-specific therapy techniques, a woman may be unable to move past psychodynamic barriers that make it more difficult for her to deal with her situation. Thus, focusing on the external “trauma triggers” rather than her own internal issues will help heal BWS symptoms.

Briere and Scott¹⁰ have outlined the various steps that need to be followed during trauma therapy with abuse victims. Changing her part in the family system, even if it is dysfunctional, may be dangerous.

Trauma triggers that cause PTSD and BWS symptoms need to be identified and behavioral techniques need to be used to reduce their potency. Behavioral techniques that are useful during this phase include relaxation training, guided imagery, and successive approximation with high arousal incidents. These behavioral and cognitive-behavioral techniques may also help the woman develop cognitive clarity over time.

Some women benefit from a description of the autonomic nervous system that regulates many of PTSD symptoms.

Typical trauma triggers include the memory of the way the batterer’s face or eyes look when he begins his abuse, the curse words he shouts, a particular phrase he uses to demean or humiliate, or even the aftershave he uses or other odors he emits during the abuse. Startle responses and hypervigilance to cues of violence are the last symptoms of BWS to be extinguished. In many women, these cues or trauma triggers never totally go away. This sensitivity can interfere with new relationships. It is often necessary to help a new intimate partner develop patience and understanding to save the new relationship, provided that it is nonabusive. Despite the myth that women often go from one abusive relationship to another, data suggest that fewer than 10% of all battered women do so.⁸

The STEP is a formal application of the combination of feminist and trauma therapy.¹⁶ This 12-unit program has been empirically validated with clinic and jail populations, and it is useful for women with substance abuse as well as for those with interpersonal violence issues.⁸ When STEP is used in institutions, such as jails or substance abuse treatment centers, a shorter, adapted version of the 12 topics listed in Table 3 is generally used. In clinics and in private practice, each STEP unit may be developed over several sessions. When asked about their satisfaction level after each session, all of the women who participated in this program gave positive comments that were highly correlated with the reduction in their scores on the Beck Anxiety Inventory.

DVDs of feminist therapy with a domestic violence victim^17,18 and of a model 2-year treatment of a battered woman¹⁹ are available from www.psychotherapy.net.

LEGAL ISSUES

Many battered women are involved in legal issues and need the attention of the psychotherapist to help them get through the stress and help them understand what they need to do and to help them provide information their attorney needs. The Federal Violence Against Women Act (US Congress, 2005) provides numerous legal remedies, including declaring abuse as a violation of a woman’s human rights with subsequent opportunity for a federal lawsuit under the civil rights statutes.

Litigation frequently involves child custody and access to children. Each state has its own laws regarding parental responsibility, but they all usually presume that it is in the best interests of the child(ren) to have equal access to both parents. Unfortunately, batterers often use the children to continue their control over their ex-wives, so that it is difficult, dangerous, and usually impossible to share parental responsibility. Nevertheless, the parent whom the family court judge considers most likely to facilitate a friendly relationship with the other parent is often given greater access to the children. Mothers who try to protect their children from fathers who lack good parenting skills or who are actually abusing the children^20,21 are frequently seen as engaging in “hostile and aggressive parenting,” “parental alienation syndrome,” “psychological Munchausen by proxy,” or other similar nonempirically based disorders. They often lose custody and sometimes even all access to their children. (See http://www.Leadershipcouncil.org for more information on the danger to children after separation and divorce.)

Mothers who have lost their children frequently become depressed in addition to their trauma symptoms and are unable to fight the legal system without money or psychological energy to do so.²² Their children may end up physically, sexually, and psychologically abused by the batterer—regardless of whether he has custody, and especially if the children do not follow his orders.²⁰

In rare cases, battered women will kill their abusive partners rather than be killed themselves. As cited by the Bureau of Justice Statistics, fewer than 1200 battered women kill their batterers, while over 4000 women are killed by the men who batter them.^1,23,24 The most deadly time for a woman is when the batterer believes their relationship is over. Batterers often threaten to kill rather than to let their partner go.

It may be safer for the woman to live with the batterer than try to terminate the relationship—especially if she has children she needs to protect. This is counterintuitive and seems to contradict the need for battered women to leave an abusive relationship. However, court mandates may take away most of her ability to protect herself and her children by forcing shared parental responsibility and residential custody on them. Sometimes the batterer becomes even more enraged or decompensates without the woman and children in the same home with him and ends up killing her, their children, and himself. Newspapers and television usually report these cases, sometimes without the details about the history of abuse.

An explanation of the symptoms of BMS can help juries understand when a battered woman kills in self-defense; it helps to meet the legal burden that the woman had a reasonable perception of imminent (not immediate, but about to happen) danger. It is important to explain how the woman’s fear and desperation are triggered when a new battering incident is perceived as about to occur. It is helpful for forensic mental health evaluators to have copies of previous therapy records in which the woman’s comments about abuse and fear of the batterer are recorded.

CONCLUSIONS

BWS, a subcategory of PTSD, may develop in women who are victims of intimate-partner violence. Like other forms of PTSD, symptoms of BWS may resolve after the woman is safe and out of the abusive situation. However, many women need psychotherapy to help them regain control over their lives. Some women also need psychotropic medication.

BWS symptoms may reoccur even after recovery if a new stressor or trauma is experienced. Some women may be empowered by receiving a restraining order or by taking actions that lead to the arrest of the batterer. For other women, litigation—particularly contentious child custody cases—may exacerbate stress. Mental health professionals can help abused woman get through these stressful times by making sure that the risk of further abuse is as low as possible.

Fortunately, most battered women with BWS heal, raise their children, and go on to live productive lives once they are safe from the batterers’ abuse of power and control.^5,8,10,13,17

<sup>References
1. Bureau of Justice Statistics Selected Findings. Violence Between Intimates (NCJ-149259). Washington, DC: US Department of Justice; November 1994.
2. Brown LS. Subversive Dialogues: Theory in Feminist Therapy. New York: Basic Books; 1994.
3. Walker LE. The Battered Woman. New York: Harper & Row; 1979.
4. American Psychological Association Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family. Violence and the Family. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association; 1996.
5. Goodman LA, Koss MP, Fitzgerald LF, et al. Male violence against women. Current research and future directions. Am Psychol. 1993;48:1054-1058.
6. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Costs of intimate partner violence against women in the US.Washington, DC: US Department of Health and Human Services; 2003. http://www.cdc.gov/ncipc/pub-res/ipv_cost/ipv.htm. Accessed May 19, 2009.
7. American Psychological Association. Final Report of APA Working Group on Investigation of Memories of Childhood Abuse. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association; 1996.
8. Walker LE. The Battered Woman Syndrome.3rd ed. New York: Springer Publishing Company; 2009.
9. American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Fourth Edition, Text Revision (DSM-IV-TR). Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Association; 2000.
10. Briere JN, Scott C. Principles of Trauma Therapy: A Guide to Symptoms, Evaluation, and Treatment. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications, Inc; 2007.
11.Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Behavioral risk factor surveillance system 2005 report; 2006. http://ftp.cdc.gov/pub/data/brfss/2005summarydataqualityreport.pdf. Accessed May 19, 2009.
12.Campbell JC, Webster D, Koziol-McLain J, et al. Risk factors for femicide in abusive relationships: results from a multisite case control study. Am J Public Health. 2003;93:1089-1097.
13. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Adverse health conditions and health risk behaviors associated with intimate partner violence—United States, 2005 [published correction appears in MMWR. 2008;57:237]. MMWR. 2008;57:113-117.
14. Charney DS, Deutch AY, Krystal JH, et al. Psychobiologic mechanisms of posttraumatic stress disorder. Arch Gen Psychiatry. 1993;50:295-305.
15. Babcock JC, Green CE, Robie C. Does batterers’ treatment work? A meta-analytic review of domestic violence treatment. Clin Psychol Rev.2004;23:1023-1053.
16. Walker LE. Abused Women and Survivor Therapy: A Practical Guide for the Psychotherapist. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association; 1994.
17. Browne A. Violence against women by male partners. Prevalence, outcomes, and policy implications. Am Psychol. 1993;48:1077-1087.
18. Walker LE. Feminist Therapy: Psychotherapy With the Experts Series.Needham Heights, MA: Allyn &Bacon; 1998.
19. Walker LE. The Abused Woman: A Survivor Therapy Approach. Assessment and Treatment of Psychological Disorders Video Series. http://www.psychotherapy.net/video/Abused_Woman. Accessed July 1, 2009.
20. Bancroft L, Silverman JG. The Batterer as a Parent: Addressing the Impact of Domestic Violence on Family Dynamics. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications, Inc; 2002.
21. Edleson JL. The overlap between child maltreatment and woman battering. Violence Against Women. 1999;5:134-154.
22. Clements CM, Sabourin CM, Spiby L. Dysphoria and hopelessness following battering: the role of perceived control, coping, and self-esteem. J Family Violence. 2004;19:25-36.
23. Bureau of Justice Statistics Special Report. Murder in Families (NCJ-143498). Washington, DC: US Department of Justice; 1994.
24. Bureau of Justice Statistics. Family Violence Statistics: Including Statistics on Strangers and Acquaintances. US Department of Justice. http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/abstract/fvs.htm. Accessed May 19, 2009.</sup>

^{For More Information
• American Psychological Association Ad Hoc Committee on Legal and Ethical Issues in the Treatment of Interpersonal Violence. Potential Problems for Psychologists Working With the Area of Interpersonal Violence. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association; 1997.}

^{• US Department of Justice. Violence Against Women Act (VAWA). 2005. http://www.ovw.usdoj.gov/regulations.htm.}

More Research: Trauma and Violence…Battered Women « RightsForMothers.com

Gay teens in SC excluded from being protected by new Domestic Violence Prevention Program

This is just sick...Here’s part of since I can not comment intelligently on this, the link at the bottom is to the full article.

COLUMBIA, S.C. (AP) — South Carolina lawmakers want to prevent violence in teen relationships but won't allow a new school program aimed at curbing such abuse to mention gay and lesbian partnerships.

State representatives voted overwhelmingly Thursday to bar any mention of homosexual relationships in the new program for middle and high school students. The move was pushed by lawmakers who said they don't want schools teaching about gay relationships and said they doubt those partnerships have high levels of abuse.

"I do not want the Department of Education or school districts teaching our children in grades six through 12 about same-sex relationships," said Rep. Greg Delleney, a Chester Republican who pushed to make the violence prevention program apply only to heterosexual relationships. "I'm sure it would develop into that."

The measure, which was swiftly condemned by gay rights advocates passed the GOP-dominated House 75-25 and should head to the Senate next week. It initially was intended to curb youth violence in a state that consistently ranks high in the number of women killed by men.

Steve Ralls, national spokesman for Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians & Gays, said he had not heard of another state with an anti-dating violence program that excluded same-sex relationships.

"We are astounded that there are those who would prioritize their own homophobia ahead of the safety of the young people of South Carolina," he said. "Lesbian and gay young people are often doubly vulnerable when they are in environments where they are disrespected and adults are sending clear messages that their well-being isn't as important."

Bill sponsor Rep. Joan Brady said excluding gay relationships is fine and declared that, "Traditional domestic violence occurs in...MORE Here --> The Associated Press: SC House nixes mention of gays in date-abuse bill

Daughter of battered wife Barbara Sheehan, who killed NYPD officer husband, is glad mom shot dad

I think this daughter speaking out on her moms behalf tells way more of the story than anything else I have heard about this case!

The daughter of an abusive NYPD officer shot dead by his battered wife said she's glad he's gone.

"No part of me misses him. My life is 150% better," Jennifer Sheehan said of her slain dad, Sgt. Raymond Sheehan, in an interview Thursday with Oprah Winfrey.

Jennifer Sheehan, 23, said she and her brother lived in "constant fear" her dad would harm their mom. He also went after them, once locking them in a bedroom at gunpoint, she said.

Barbara Sheehan pumped 11 bullets into her husband in their Howard Beach, Queens, home last February. She's awaiting trial on murder charges.

"I had no choice," a tearful Sheehan, 48, told Winfrey. "He was going to kill me."

Sheehan - who is free on $1 million bail - led a camera crew on a tour of the couple's upstairs bathroom, where she says her husband aimed a gun at her and threatened to kill her for refusing to join him on a trip to Florida.

She grabbed his second gun from the bedroom and raced for the stairs, opening fire when he refused to drop his gun.

"I just shot it," she said. "It all happened so fast."

Barbara Sheehan said she wanted to share her tale to warn other women to get out of abusive relationships.

She tried to leave her husband multiple times, but said he vowed to hunt her down and kill her and the kids.

Sheehan's lawyer, Michael Dowd, said he was "bewildered" that Queens prosecutors were pursuing the case in light of the history of abuse.

A spokesman for the Queens district attorney said, "This case, like all cases in Queens County, will be tried in the courtroom and not in the media."

nbode@nydailynews.com

Daughter of battered wife Barbara Sheehan, who killed NYPD officer husband, is glad mom shot dad