December 28, 2013
Her abuse was mental and financial, he was a narcissist, which is something I did pick up months ago but figured that I was over-reacting on that, sadly I wasn't. He always got her things he wanted her to have, even when she asked for something totally different that she would like. He would put her down constantly and ask her how she ended up with a total stud like himself (gag!). She's still saying things like "Thank you for spending time with me," and "Sorry sorry sorry", we're working on her lol She's such a sweetheart, and feeling bad for going for child support and placement of their children, but she's doing it!
One thing that has stuck out with me with her during her healing from him leaving is the opening of her eyes to how he treated her and what he's done throughout the years, including leaving her two times before for other women. It really struck me how blind we are within our current situations to the abusiveness our partner is dishing out on us. It really struck me how we can make excuses without even realizing it, and how we just take it as a normality. I really feel that this goes along with the question, "Why does she stay?" I think one large chunk of the answer to that question is because she's used too it, she feels it's her normal, their normal.
Every one of us can look back and think on the small things that were done to us by our abuser, the small things that didn't seem too bad, that didn't seem to matter at the time, but we can now see led up to the abuse. It's those small things we miss, and mostly when the abuse is not physical, it can really sneak up on us!
I'm proud to say that she's had it with being put down, abused, and used. I'm proud to say that she's moving on and looking for a man that will treat her right and a Godly man. Not a man that tells her what she wants and has her wait on him hand and foot along with the children!
Oh, have to share this part! He texted her the other day, quoting some law or such that he felt would put her in her place, she shot back with "Thou shall not commit adultery, the law I adhere too which supersedes your law and all others"...he had no come back! lol
Sometimes it's those little victories that truly can boost self esteem and show that you don't have to take it anymore!
For those still going through the abuse, hang in there and stay strong!!!
November 29, 2013
Thanksgiving is one of those days that I usually look over…I go for turkey, tell everyone “Happy gobble gobble”, and move on. Rarely have I ever sat and actually thought of what I’m thankful for…
In fact, for many years I wasn’t able to think of anything I was thankful for (ok yes, I know that’s sad, as in I should have been able to at least think of a few things!), and I actually looked on Thanksgiving as a day of annoyance.
This year my family spent the day with a woman who in the last week lost her husband. This year we got to celebrate with this woman the first Thanksgiving she’s ever had free from abuse.
She’ll be 72 next month, and since childhood she’s been abused. Married at 16 to a physical, religious, sexual, financial, and mental abuser. Got rid of him and ended up with a financial, religious and mental abuser.
For the last few years she’s hardly been able to see her own children because her husband didn’t like them. She barely knows her only granddaughter because he wouldn’t let that part of the family come over for some unknown slight. Family that she hasn’t talked to in 8yrs have come over and called her, letting her know that they are there for her. For the last few years we watched from a distance as she grew older faster before our eyes, and the lights in her eyes growing dim…
The abuse was not hidden, everyone in the family and of the friends knew that there was mental abuse and alcoholism going on, yet it was her decision to stay…
Those of us that have been through abuse can understand that all too well. Thankfully she was able to stay and make it through the other side, and for that I’m Thankful.
This day brings up mixed feelings about past, family, and those that our family has lost to DV. Makes me think of other families that have lost loved ones, and other families who has a family member still stuck in a DV situation. Know that our prayers go out to you all!
As for this year…I’m thankful I was able to be present on this woman’s first Thanksgiving of freedom ever. I am thankful to have seen that twinkle in her eye and quirkiness come back, even it if was fleeting. I’m thankful that she can now get to know her only granddaughter, and reconnect with family and friends that have missed knowing her for years. I’m thankful that I’ll be around to help her when I can and watch her heal and blossom and enjoy the few last years that she has in freedom and peace…
Do you have any special Thanksgiving Blessings that’s just too good not to share? We’d love to hear of them!
November 23, 2013
Our thoughts and prayers go out to Nancy’s family and friends. She will be remembered…
October 22, 2013
So much going on! Here it is once again October, and once again I see so much pink and not enough purple…but that’s ok! This month is for women, for those that have had to deal with both Breast Cancer & Domestic Violence.
I met a woman last week who has breast cancer, in fact making her a shawl that is pink and white for it, and learned that she’s also a DV Survivor. Surprise surprise! Both Breast Cancer and Domestic Violence hit so many women that it isn’t surprising that it can hit both on the same woman.
We haven’t been posting here, yet that doesn’t mean that we haven’t been busy! Take a look at Le Chrysalis Remembers, which is still being worked on yet will never be done. Help us to remember those that have past on before us!
As always, stay safe!