November 6, 2006

Abusers reform then help others

Both of these articles make a really good point, that yes an abuser can reform and yes them reaching out to others can help. I do not agree that all abusers can be reformed but I do feel that there should be something in place in our system where people who feel themselves going down the road to being an abuser can go to get help. Right now the accepted norm is that it isn't called or classified as abuse until the "Abuse Cycle" has been repeated three times. Well, if there were programs in place that an individual could reach out to for help after say the second time, I believe alot of lives and broken homes and broken people would be saved. Currently if someone were to go asking for help, by saying that they have already committed the act of abuse once or twice, instead of help they would be prosecuted, and all the while we have others getting by with it daily. Please read the articles, and leave your comments, this is something I'm really ready to get out into the public view!

Farmington Daily Times - Domestic violence offender shares his story Reformed batterer’s story offers lessons on domestic violence



  1. I agree, it doesn't/shouldn't take 3x of someone becoming violent to show that they are an abuser! The abusive tendencies are there, much sooner then the 3x! Yes, abusers can change, but not all have that capability! There needs to be more help for those that abuse. There needs to be more understanding and true compasion to help abusers. No, not all can change, but those that want help and can see that they have a problem may! There isn't enough out there to help those that would abuse, being it male, female, Mother or Father. So many more would be saved if something would be done earlier on. So many more victims would be safe if only someone would hear, and help.......

  2. I was unable to link to the first story, however the second one was enlightening.

    My thoughts:
    Forgive me, please!

    I think that it is awesome that there is a man that wants to make a change. That he had acknowledged that he had issues. I commend him for going public, and taking steps to help out other abusers, however the problem that I have with it is this....

    I DO NOT believe that many men/woman after abusing are capable of understanding what they have done. Whether it be mental illness, drugs, financial issues, ect. I feel that it does not take 3 times before they become aware. Unfortunatly most of the time an abuser never realizes what he/ she has done, therefore the behavior continues onto other victims.

    I do not believe that understanding nor compassion will help an abuser, infact the more compassion and understanding that you show them, I feel the more you enable them. Remember that abusers feed on it being "all about them, and their feelings".
    I believe that from early on, these abusers have abnormal tendencies if you will. They demonstrate behavior that is dangerous well before they strike out. They have been taught that there in no repurcussions for their actions. Like any other child, these men/woman grow up to believe that they are superior than most, and they become more comfortable doing what they do best, abuse.

    In order for an abuser to change, they must first understand that what they are doing/have done is wrong. Most are incapable of that action.
    The ones that do understand and actually change should recieve kudos!
    I am not saying that they never change, I am saying that so sad, rarely do they change...

    OK that was 5cents worth!
    Blessings, Valerie