November 1, 2009

Domestic Violence is a pattern of behavior...

I stumbled upon this information, and just wanted to share because of the way they put it truly goes along with the way I feel about Domestic Violence.  The children that are exposed to Domestic Violence are the ones that need to most consideration and the most help and protection.  Not only are they continued their exposure to domestic violence when made to have visitations with an abuser, but the damage is usually done and the next generation of abusers and victims are made.  This is what we are fighting for!  Yes, we are fighting to help get any Victim out of a Domestic Violence situation, but so many times we focus on only the adults, but what about the children?  The children who don't have a voice because they are too young to speak out? 

Too often I hear that abusers are put through "Anger Management" treatments and low and behold they are cured!  If they had anger issues, it wouldn't be hidden behind closed doors but in their work place, in society, and they would have already gotten into trouble with the law before getting in trouble for Domestic Violence.  Too often abusers go through this course, and then get to have visitations again with children that are already traumatized because of prior abuse, yet, the adult victim is most often made to continue the visitations or go to jail.  What happened to a parent protecting their child?  What happened to a Mother knowing that the children aren't safe with the abuser, yet MADE to let the children go for visitations as they sit at home in fear praying that the children come home safely.

Too often we hear "Why doesn't she just leave?"  Would you leave if it could possibly cost you your children as it has so many??  Or would you stay and deal with the monster that you already know?  Unfortunately, too many feel that they are safer dealing with the abuse and keeping it away from the children as much as possible, instead of running the risk of the abuser getting visitations, or worse, custody of the children and them not being able to protect them.

This part I feel says it all: "Abusive behaviors are not symptoms that someone is angry or out of control. An abuser makes a choice to exert power and control over his or her partner." 

If you believe that that abuse and need of power and control ends when the victim leaves the abuser, you are sadly mistaken.  Too many times it's when it begins a new cycle, and too many are paying that price...

Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence is a pattern of behavior where one partner in an intimate relationship chooses to use coercion, controlling and abusive behaviors to establish and maintain power and control over the other person. Tactics can include physical, psychological, sexual, economic, and emotional abuse. Domestic violence can happen to anyone regardless of race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels. Domestic violence occurs in both opposite-sex and same-sex relationships and can happen to intimate partners who are married, living together, separated, or dating. According to the U.S. Dept. of Justice "Family Violence Statistics" published in June 2005, females were 84% of spousal abuse victims and 86% of abuse victims at the hands of a boyfriend.

Domestic violence not only affects those who are abused, but also has a substantial effect on family members, friends, co-workers, other witnesses, and the community at large. Children, who grow up witnessing domestic violence, are among those seriously affected by this crime. Frequent exposure to violence in the home not only predisposes children to numerous social and physical problems, but also teaches them that violence is a normal way of life - therefore, increasing their risk of becoming society's next generation of victims and abusers.

Abusive behaviors are not symptoms that someone is angry or out of control. An abuser makes a choice to exert power and control over his or her partner.

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