Emotional side effects of verbal domestic abuse

by Bridget Webber

Created on: April 04, 2011

The emotional side effects of verbal domestic abuse stem from a lack of self esteem. As an individual is bullied and abused they begin to lose confidence, and question their ability to make decisions and carry out simple tasks. Domestic verbal abuse may not show on the victims body, but inside their emotions becomes scrambled, making them nervous and insecure.

Domestic abuse of this kind takes place within the home. The four walls of someone’s house can hold, and hide, a great deal of anxiety and emotional trauma, as they wrestle with confusion about why they are being abused, and consider what they can do to alter things.

Victims of verbal abuse look first to themselves as the problem, rather than at their abuser. They are more likely to try and alter aspects of themselves in order to seek positive change than to criticise the individual who is the real cause of their low self esteem.

If an emotional abuser has problems a victim is likely to consider that they should help them overcome them, and that this will, in turn, stop the abuse. This can make them dedicate a great deal of time and effort to looking after the abuser, at the expense of taking care of their own needs.

When an individual suffers from domestic verbal abuse they may begin to lose their individuality in favour of their abusive partner, parent, or adult child. They may take on their taste and opinions, as they no-longer have confidence in their own. They may also spent a lot of emotional energy constructing ways of behaving which is least likely to cause offence to their abuser or rattle them.

Giving to their abuser becomes a major side effect, as the individual becomes more and more fearful of the potential repercussions for having a different opinion than the abuser, or saying anything which may ignite a bad mood. Life revolves around taking care of an abusers needs, and avoiding their wrath.

Verbal abusers tend to put down their victims in order to keep them in their place. They belittle their efforts to shine, and make light of their achievements. They attempt to alienate them from friends and family so that they don’t have an adequate support network. This leaves the abuser with more control.

The effect of such behaviour on their victim is that they become isolated, and get little positive feedback from other people or helpful advice. They also begin to doubt their ability to be good at anything, and may let talents slide in favour of tip toeing around their abuser and attempting to lead a quiet life.

The emotional side effects of verbal domestic abuse are not always apparent to outsiders. It is in private, or within the family home that most abuse takes place. This makes reaching out to other people difficult, as making them aware of the situation can be hard.

http://www.helium.com/items/2130116-emotional-side-effects-of-verbal-domestic-abuse

Emotional side effects of verbal domestic abuse

by Dr. Deborah Bauers

Created on: April 05, 2011

There are individuals on both sides of the debate that argue about whether the emotional effects of verbal domestic abuse are more damaging than those of domestic violence.  In reality, it is probably impossible to separate one from the other because when physical abuse takes place, a spouse or significant other is also a victim of emotional abuse that is characterized by powerlessness, degradation, and fear.  But when verbal domestic abuse occurs alone, its victim often lacks the support of family, friends, and society who fail to understand how, just words, can lead to deep emotional scars. Verbal abuse is emotional battering and the perpetrator beats down his/her victim with weapons of the tongue that leave deep and invisible wounds inside the soul.

A verbally abusive individual is someone who manipulates, intimidates and blames his partner for the sense of powerlessness that characterizes his own life.  Over time, by relentlessly belittling, regularly brow beating and intentionally humiliating his victim, a verbally abusive spouse is able to manipulate and brainwash a partner’s feelings and thoughts. For many companions, constant verbal abuse results in “learned helpless.”   This means that the abused individual eventually comes to believe that everything the abuser says is true and that she/he is incapable of changing self or the dynamics of powerlessness that are felt.

To say that the results of verbal domestic abuse are “side effects” minimizes them.  In reality, they are the central focus of abuse and the marks of living with an individual who is capable of inflicting great psychological pain; emotional injuries that can only heal if the abuse ends  and the victim is able to regain  self-sufficiency and self-worth. The effects of verbal domestic abuse impact the victim in manyways. These may include:

1  Becoming a people pleaser and “walking on eggshells” to avoid being abused
2. Developing severe depression that can potentially lead to suicide
3. Having a distorted view of self
4. Feeling responsible for the partner’s violence
4. Becoming confused and frightened of losing a grip on reality
5. Becoming isolated from family and friends by the abuser
6. Developing a deep sense of personal shame
7. Becoming a victim of not just verbal abuse, but physical abuse as well

The Center for Disease Control (CDC) reports that one in every four women has been physically abused. Totals for reported cases range from 960,000 to 3 million per year and include data regarding abuse of not just women, but men and children as well.  An overwhelming number of these cases have all been victims of verbal domestic abuse either simultaneously or prior to the onset of the physical abuse.

If you, or someone you care about, are living with someone who consistently belittles, threatens, or tries to gain unhealthy control, you need to know that this relationship can destroy your self-worth and leave you helpless and frightened. To get additional information about the signs of verbal and physical domestic abuse or to get help for yourself or a friend who is suffering at the hands of an abuser, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

http://www.helium.com/items/2132412-emotional-side-effects-of-verbal-domestic-abuse

Abuser wanted for Murder of his Wife

 Monday's Child, Full Of Woe 

In 1980, Pat and John Poulakis were set on adopting a little boy into their family. That all changed when the Poulakis' saw 12-year-old Deana Schermerhorn and her brother Paul on "Monday's Child," a television program in Knoxville, Tenn., aimed at finding children permanent homes. The couple instantly fell in love with the two and were almost immediately adopted into the family.

"It's a wonderful story about adoption," says AMW correspondent Angeline Hartmann, who worked on the story. "They gave the two kids a beautiful life."

While Deana grew up to be a beautiful and talented hair stylist, friends and family said a few rocky relationships left her unlucky in love. She was struggling as a single mother to her young son, Gabriel, when things started looking up in 2006. Deana met someone who seemed to be the man she had been waiting for -- Christopher Meade. The two began dating and eventually moved to North Carolina for a fresh start.

"Deana thought he was a good father to her son, Gabe," Angeline says. "Her sister tells me that Deana just liked him -- thought he was cute in his cowboy hat and boots."

But the rest of the family was less than impressed. From the beginning, their relationship appeared to be a tumultuous affair.

"They had a history of domestic violence," Angeline says. "They would break up, get back together, etc. So when they got married on New Year's Day 2009, her family was really surprised. She was in love with him, so they couldn't really argue with her. It was her life."

Deana's brother Jack even took it upon himself to have a heart-to-heart with Meade, asking him to end the toxic relationship before anyone got seriously hurt. According to Jack, Meade obnoxiously brushed off the advice and said something along the lines of, "I've already made my bed, and I'm going to sleep in it. If I kill her, I kill her. If I go to prison, I go to prison."

In early November 2009, those close to Deana grew even more concerned when they hadn't been able to reach her or her husband at all. Deana had always been good about keeping in touch, so family and friends alerted the police of this development.

When police arrived at the couple's home, they found a note on the door indicating that the family took a trip. Deana never mentioned anything about a trip to her parents, and they spoke on the phone every day.
After about a week, cops say Meade showed up at his mother's house to drop off 4-year-old Gabe, and then Meade took off with no word about where he was going.

Happy to see Gabriel home safe and sound, family members still worried about Deana, knowing it was highly unlikely she would simply leave her son behind. Suspecting possible foul play, cops began searching the couple's residence and the surrounding areas, but the search yielded no results. Things started to look very fishy, however, when it was revealed Meade had been using Deana's credit cards illegally. His November 2009 transactions took place in North Carolina, Tennessee, Kentucky and other areas. The transactions and photos taken at ATMs are the last traces of Meade, and he hasn't been heard from since.

The investigation picked up momentum in December when a meticulous cop decided to take visit the couple's home again.

"This is a very tiny department; officers would all kinda search on their own spare time," Angeline says. "He was just walking around her house and saw where animals appeared to be digging. Even though he was searching for her, it was a very emotional moment for him. He couldn't believe he found her."

Deana was dead, and her child had become an orphan. Her story had sadly come full circle. Worse yet, cops believe young Gabriel was there on the day of Deana's death.

"The biggest thing for me is the 4-year-old left behind," Angeline says. "Turns out his biological father committed murder-suicide years ago, so the Gabriel has no mom or dad. Cops think he probably saw what happened that day."

Gabriel now lives with Deana's sister and her husband, who have lovingly adopted him. Cops have charged Christopher Meade with credit card theft and want to talk to him about his wife's murder. Tune in Saturday night to get the full story and call in with any information regarding Deana's death. In the meantime, get all the info from the case file at AMW.com