Recently a very good friend from church had her husband leave her...he was very involved with her and the children and within the church until the day he left, she had no clue he had been cheating on her for months with a much younger woman. It was sad, and I'm sharing this here because of the strength that she's shown and because without truly realizing it, she's a Survivor.
Her abuse was mental and financial, he was a narcissist, which is something I did pick up months ago but figured that I was over-reacting on that, sadly I wasn't. He always got her things he wanted her to have, even when she asked for something totally different that she would like. He would put her down constantly and ask her how she ended up with a total stud like himself (gag!). She's still saying things like "Thank you for spending time with me," and "Sorry sorry sorry", we're working on her lol She's such a sweetheart, and feeling bad for going for child support and placement of their children, but she's doing it!
One thing that has stuck out with me with her during her healing from him leaving is the opening of her eyes to how he treated her and what he's done throughout the years, including leaving her two times before for other women. It really struck me how blind we are within our current situations to the abusiveness our partner is dishing out on us. It really struck me how we can make excuses without even realizing it, and how we just take it as a normality. I really feel that this goes along with the question, "Why does she stay?" I think one large chunk of the answer to that question is because she's used too it, she feels it's her normal, their normal.
Every one of us can look back and think on the small things that were done to us by our abuser, the small things that didn't seem too bad, that didn't seem to matter at the time, but we can now see led up to the abuse. It's those small things we miss, and mostly when the abuse is not physical, it can really sneak up on us!
I'm proud to say that she's had it with being put down, abused, and used. I'm proud to say that she's moving on and looking for a man that will treat her right and a Godly man. Not a man that tells her what she wants and has her wait on him hand and foot along with the children!
Oh, have to share this part! He texted her the other day, quoting some law or such that he felt would put her in her place, she shot back with "Thou shall not commit adultery, the law I adhere too which supersedes your law and all others"...he had no come back! lol
Sometimes it's those little victories that truly can boost self esteem and show that you don't have to take it anymore!
For those still going through the abuse, hang in there and stay strong!!!